Prairie Prologue

Days of Elijah

2011-07-21T00:30:00.015-06:00

One of my all time favorite songs. The story of Elijah keeps coming up in my life dating from a number of months back when my pastor preached on Elijah moments. You know, going from the mountain top of spiritual fervor and passion, to the cave of depression, hiding out, feeling utterly wasted and like noone in the world relates and you've stuck yourself out on a limb that now has people wanting your head on a platter. For what?
I'm trying to come to grips with who I am. With who God has made me to be. With how he has wired me and how that makes me unique and how different strokes affect different folks. It's messy stuff. A leader in my church recently gave me some material on spiritual giftings. Two particular "gifts" (right now to tell you the absolute truth I am viewing them more as a curse) jump off the page at me and scream "this is you. this is SOOOOOO you!" The first one freaks me out just because of what it is called. "Prophecy" has this weird aura surrounding it... I don't like the word, I know that prophets were not well liked people, and usually equate the word to foretelling the future rather than its equal meaning of just speaking out a strong message intended for the growth of the church.

Characteristics of the prophet;

1. the need to express thoughts and ideas verbally, especially regarding right and wrong.
2. the tendency to make quick judgments on what is seen and heard and to speak up quickly.

3. an amazing ability to sense when someone or something is not what it appears to be and to react.

4. an openess about personal faults and failures and honesty with himself as well with others.

5. a tendency to be impulsive in actions and to be wholeheartedly involved in whatever is done.

6. a tendency to be painfully direct when correcting friends.

7. a desire to give open evidences of loyalty and total commitment.

8. a willingness to suffer for doing what is right.

9. an ability to be very persuasive in defining what is right and what is wrong.

Characteristics of the Exhorter
1. a motivation to urge people to their full spiritual maturity in Christ.
2. An ability to discern where a person is in spiritual growth and challenge them to a higher level.
3. A desire to give practical steps of action in urging people toward spiritual maturity.
4. A drive to explain truth
5. an ability to visualize spiritual achievement for people and to use this to motivate them to action
6. an ability to welcome personal tribulation as a chief motivator for spiritual growth.

Again, every one of these resonates so intensely with the way I tick.

There's another section in this pamphlet I have about spiritual gifts. It talks about how each of the gifts are most commonly misused. It stings.

How Prophets Can Misuse Their Gift.
1. Correcting people who are not their responsiblility. Prophets often feel that they are responsible for everyone. It is extra hard for them to hold back when they see things that are wrong.

2. Lacking cautiousness and tactfulness in expressing opinions. Driven by the desire to be totally open and honest, prophets often share opinions which would have been better left unsaid.
3. Condemning themselves when they fail. The harsh judgments which prophets have for others, they also have for themselves. They tend to be extremely self critical and feel worthless when they fail.

How exhorters can misuse their gift.
1. treating people like projects rather than persons. because exhorters put confidence in steps of action which have proven effective, they are usually eager to share these steps to others. Rather than making them feel like special people the exhorter may give the impression that friends and family are just more "counseling projects".
2. Giving counsel before discerning the type of person or problem. Exhorters tend to categorize the problem in their mind before hearing all the important facts. This results in the shame of answering a matter before fully hearing it. Exhorters also tend to have more confidence in their cousel than in God's warning on whom not to give counsel to.

I thought I had come so far in not being a judgemental person, in learning to love people and want their best and practice patience and perseverance in prayer for the people God puts on my heart and brings across my path. I truly have so much love and compassion and mercy for people in my heart, but today I sit here and realize that I have SO far to go in this journey. It's one thing for those things to be a reality in my heart, it is something else entirely for me to learn to walk in a way that people don't FEEL judged by the way I tick. The challenge for me now is to come to terms with how God sees me, and how I can work to hone this personality to something that doesn't do harm rather than good.

We've each been so molded by our experiences. A wounded bird who was taught to fly on the wings of an eagle looks at other birds, recognizes their wounds and tenderly desires to see them fly. She cries out passionately "come fly, I'll show you how, it'll be so great! you were meant to soar!" but the wounded bird does not feel any tenderness in that, or feel invigorated by that, it feels like it is singled out and exposed in its weakness and that the call of the bird in flight is a call of arrogance and absolute insensitivity. In self defense their wall goes up and their reaction is "Who do you think you are? Can't you see that God loves me just the way I am and I don't need people telling me to be anything I'm not? Who died and made you king, thinking you have something to teach me about flying? You're not my mother, you're not my sister, you're not in my church, the nerve (arrogance/audacity/pride/self righteousness) of some birds! I don't want anything to do with birds like you. I'm so glad I'm not like you, I'd rather be down here on the ground then up there on that high horse you're riding!"

And the arrows hit true to the bird in the sky. And she falls. Asking herself in her tumble, "Yes, who do you think you are anyway? why on earth would you do something like that? Don't you see what you've done? Don't you see how others view you? See how you've hurt that poor bird who was just fumbling along trying their best to keep their head up and you went off fully cocked challenging them to fly? You stupid, stupid idiot. And then there are two birds on the ground bruised and wounded and crying out "Lord, why?"

I don't have answers. I can see the point of view of both birds, but I need to understand that sometimes people aren't in a position to see anything but their own point of view. To be open to another point of view is to put themselves in a place of vulnerability that they don't feel strong enough to face. I understand that. I've been there. To ask questions or face truths that rock one's world? Wounded birds don't want their worlds to be rocked. They are looking for a safe place to hide. I know very well what that feels like. I haven't forgotten. But I also remember the day that someone cried out "look up you silly goose. get your head out of the rubble. fly, fly! you were meant to soar" and I realized "yes. it's true. what am I doing down here... I was made to fly!" and something burst forth within me and I spread my little wings, and set off to discover greater heights. What a rush to soar on wings like eagles. You can't help but desire that for others. Is that wrong? The desire can't be wrong. The timing can be wrong. The presentation can be wrong. Other things can be wrong but the desire and motive is not the issue.

The first word that popped up for me was humility. But I started delving into that and realized, no, that isn't it. I may seem to be lacking in humility, but the more I dug into it the more I came to realize what I''m really lacking is temperance (moderation in action, thought, or feeling; restraint) and in tact (a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense). Lacking both of those in spades.

And the lightbulb goes on and I see myself for the bumbling elephant in the china shop that I really am. And I feel like such an idiot. So shamed. And thus, going back to Elijah, I find myself as is so often the case, wondering how I got from the mountain top high of spiritual fervor, to the lowly dark cave of absolute dejection and debilitation. Right where Satan wants me. I know the truth. "There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" and that conviction does not read or function like condemnation. And yet oh how much louder does that voice of condemnation scream than the still small voice that beckons one to pick themselves up, dust themselves off and start to climb back up the face of that mountain, stiff and tired and sore and all. Because no joy, peace or victory is to be found in that cave wrestling with the demons of one's past. No. joy and peace and victory are to be found in repentance, forgiveness and restoration. Bring it on, Lord.

Seasons

2011-05-30T09:58:00.003-06:00

I found this poem by my daughter when I was cleaning up my desk. This is why I don't feel the need to force feed creative writing assignments to my kids, it's something they do of their own initiative and do so well. We have been talking about personification and I am happy to see her put it into great use here.

I love it when Spring comes,

And bees sing their diddly-dums.

When flowers bud,

And boots get stuck in the mud.

When Summer's on its way,

Trees are in bloom all day.

When boats come out,

And people fish for trout.

Fall creeps close,

And sticks out her nose.

Trees will change their gowns,

And leaves lay on the ground in all the towns.

Winter arrives,

So, no more fishing drives.

Snow sparkles on the ground,

Then all the world sleeps safe and sound.

SJC. age 11

Baby Fix

2011-05-13T11:59:00.000-06:00

Yawns, grins, cooes and gooes, chubby cheeks and TEETH, for anyone who is so inclined. My Prairie Pipsqueak turned 9 weeks yesterday. And yes, I did say two teeth and 9 weeks consecutively and neither of those are typos. Actually, he's had those two teeth for two weeks already.

A Whole Lot of Rigmarole

2011-04-27T23:54:00.002-06:00

This one's dedicated to Berry Girl because I know she will get a good kick out of it. I told her that in recent weeks I have been meditating on the concept of speech. How easily things roll off my tongue. I don't think I monopolize conversations, but let's just say I don't have any problem contributing (*ahem*)... generously.

After exchanging a few words back and forth on this (okay, more than a few in my case) I went off for story time with my kids. I am reading The Emerald City of Oz to my first grader. I have never read this far into the series and while I think we will stop at this 6th volume, I have to admit that I find the satire of L. Frank Baum very endearing. I will never be able to hear a pun or a philosopher without thinking of the H.M. Wogglebug T.E. (for those of you who don't know, the H.M. stands for Highly Magnified, and the T.E. for Thoroughly Educated. You get the idea...)

In today's chapter Dorothy and her cohorts find themselves in a new location. The wizard asks a boy if they are indeed in the town of the Rigmaroles. The boy's response?

"Sir," replied the boy, "if you have traveled very much you will have noticed that every town differs from every other town in one way or another and so by observing the methods of the people and the way they live as well as the style of their dwelling places it ought not to be a difficult thing to make up your mind without the trouble of asking questions whether the town bears the appearane of the one you intended to visit orwhether perhaps having taken a different road from the one you should have taken you have made an error in your way and arrived at some point where..."

"Land sakes!" cried Aunt Em, impatiently; "what is all this rigmarole about?"

"That's it!" said the Wizard laughing merrily. "It's a rigmarole because the boy is a Rigmarole and we have come to Rigmarole Town.

"He might have said 'yes' or 'no' and settled the question." observed Uncle Henry.

"Not here," said Omby Amby. "I don't believe the Rigmaroles know what 'yes' or 'no' means."

(me: "ha ha ha... LOL!" )

more;

"One of the women, who had no one else to talk to, began an address to them saying;

'It is the easiest thing in the world for a person to say 'yes' or 'no' when a question that is asked for the purpose of gaining information or satisfying the curiosity of the one who has given expression to the inquiry has attracted the attention of an individual who may be competent either from personal experience or the experience of others to answer it with more or less correctness (got that Berry Girl? the "more or less correctness" part? I think I snorted at that point) or at least an attempt to satisfy the desire for information on the part of the one who has made the inquiry by..."

"Dear me!" exclaimed Dorothy, intterupting the speech. "I've lost all track of what you are saying."

"Don't let her begin over again, for goodness sake!" cried Aunt Em.

But the woman did not begin again. She did not even stop talking, but went right on as she had begun, the words flowing from her mouth in a stream.

"I'm quite sure that if we waited long enough and listened carefully, some of these people might be able to tell us something in time," said the Wizard.

"Well, don't let's wait," returned Dorothy.

oh mercy. I have to admit, I had a hearty, hearty laugh while reading that and the picture it paints is going to go far and long in assisting me in my quest to speak a little less and engage others a little more.

"it does not always pay to have a golden tongue, unless one has the ability to hold it."

Paul Johnson.

but I have to admit, I like this one....

"When the heart is full, the tongue will speak."

Scottish Proverb

Sigh. No excuse, but my heart is usually full to overflowing.

All Things New

2011-04-24T20:45:00.004-06:00

"Welcome wild harbinger of spring!

to this small nook of earth;

feeling and fancy fondly cling

round thoughts which owe their birth

to thee; and to the humble spot

where chance has fixed thy lowly lot."

To a Crocus~ Bernard Barton

"For behold the winter is past

the rain is over and gone

flowers appear on the earth

and the time of singing has come."

Song of Solomon 2:11-12

Everything in me rejoices today. Worshiping a risen Savior. Savoring the good gifts He gives. Welcoming Spring with open arms. He lives! He makes all things new!

Yours, Without Wax.

2011-04-17T06:30:00.005-06:00

photo credit

I love words. I adore Latin and Greek and I thoroughly enjoy learning the modern languages that are rooted in Latin. I especially appreciate what they teach me about the English language. Still today, when the light bulb goes on and I "get" the hidden meaning behind the roots of a word I get a silly warm fuzzy.

This week the word that warmed the cockles of my heart was "sincere". I could have told you the Latin roots behind the word, they are almost identical to the Italian words today. Sine means without, and cere means wax. So, sincere is literally "without wax". What I didn't know, keeping the meaning of the word obscure, was the origins of this concept of "without wax". It happens to be a very enlightening origin that shows why it's so great to know the meanings behind the words we use.

The phrase originated in the world of the craftsman. Sculptors and potters would sometimes seek to hide or "cover up" cracks and flaws in their workmanship by coating the imperfections with wax. A quality product would be stamped with a seal reading "sine cere" to guarantee that it had not been doctored in such a way and that what you saw was what you got. A genuine article.

Things got even more interesting when I looked up the word sincere in the Greek. It is translated Anupokritos. "An", again, means "without". Can you guess what "upokritos" means? Maybe you got it, it's the word we get our "hypocrite" from. "Hypocrite" in Greek referred to someone who wore a mask in a play. Once again, a "cover up". Just like "sine cere" referred to presenting a genuine article, to be "without hypocrisy" meant to be presenting your genuine self.

I *love* this. A dear, dear friend of mine brought me to a turning point in my life at a young (enough) age that I will be forever grateful to him (yes, that was you Rene....). He told me, "Just be sincere. If you are not sincere you will never feel genuinely loved because even if people love you, you will always harbor the secret fear that if they really knew you they might not love you. And that will eat away at you like poison, contaminating all your relationships." Okay, maybe he didn't say that in quite as many words, but that is the message I took from him and I decided then and there that I was going to throw out all of the masks in my proverbial closet, pursue sincerity and throw insecurity and hypocrisy to the winds. How thankful I am to have learned that lesson early.

I look around and I see that wax and masks are a hot commodity. No one likes to feel cracked and flawed, much less have those cracks and flaws on display for the world to see. So what do we do? We shrink back, cover up, put on false fronts that we think look acceptable and will receive approval from the outsider looking on. But all the time we are quaking beneath the wax. Worried that if and when someone does discover our flaws they will look on us with disdain.

When we are sincere we have nothing to hide. We face the world head on, without wax or masks that seek to cover up who we really are. The cracks and nicks that we have acquired through the hard knocks of life are a part of our genuine beauty. They are not ugly scars to be covered up in darkness behind a thick wad of protective sealing, rather they are apertures into our soul, the very soul where God's spirit indwells us. Those cracks allow His beauty and grace to spill out, shine right through us from the inside out.

"God once said, 'Let the light shine out of the darkness!' This is the same God who made His light shine in our hearts by letting us know the glory of God that is in the face of Christ. We have this treasure from God, but we are like clay jars that hold the treasure. This shows the great power is from God, not from us." 2 Corinthians 4:6,7

Sincerely yours, or.... yours, without wax,

Prairie Chick.

If Graves Could Talk

2011-04-10T21:14:00.005-06:00

Winter is long on the prairies. Really, reeeeeeeeeeally long. When the snow finally starts to melt we all go a little bit crazy. We watch the ditches like hawks, wagering on the day that the ice will finally melt in the culverts and the waters will rush on their merry way. This is our curtain call to pull on our rubber boots, pack up our gear and head on over to the.... ummmm...

country cemetery...

where we let our kids play in really big puddles

and some of us get really innovative on the waterproofing

(yes, that would be duct tape)

while others of us don't even attempt to delay the inevitable

even the "big" boys put in their oar

and even the brides to be come out in all their glowing glory

We stand around and eat piping hot chicken wings out of a crock pot

while our kids, both big

and little

chase innovative boats made by uber creative (redneck) moms and dads

It's the time of year when eager beavers can't wait to wear flip flops

even when the temperature still demands hoodies and woolen mittens

We line up rows of "bones"

for a rousing game of Bunnok

and as you can see our children are very "comfortable"

in graveyards.

We've all heard the old adage "waking the dead"

or making poor departed souls "roll over in their graves"

but if these old graves could talk, I don't think heads would roll.

I think they would smile to see the young fry kicking up their heels

and be reminded of the crazy things that only a teen would ever attempt to do

and get a kick out of kicking off spring

just as much as the rest of us.

Top Ten Quotes From My 2 Year Old

2011-03-28T16:26:00.000-06:00

little verbal idiosyncrasies that are always sure to elicit a smile from said Mommy...

10. Wook at me, Mommy!"
9. "No, sanks."
8. "Where's my wite sabre?"
7. "Buzz-Whiteyear-toinfinityandbeyond!"
6. "My gitchies aren't working!" *
5. "I wub you too, Mommy.
4. "I wike you, Mommy."
3. "Nichowas is crying, Mommy..."
2. "My hode Nichowas, Mommy?"
1. "Dere's a HOE at the bottom of the SEED" **

* said in desperate frustration while trying to put two legs through one leg hole
**sung with exuberance to the tune of "there's a hole at the bottom of the sea".

I wub my Prairie Punk.

And Then There Were Six

2011-03-15T20:23:00.000-06:00

Nicholas Alexander has joined the ranks. God is good.

Why I'm an Easy Keeper

2011-02-05T12:42:00.001-06:00

I don't need you to book me a hotel room with a jacuzzi tub. Just give me a half hour of uninterrupted time in my own bathtub (and let me pick out the noisy vent at Home Depot to serve as white noise). That'll do.

I don't need you to take me out to the movies. Just get the kids nicely settled so we can prop our feet up and enjoy an episode of our favorite show at home conveniently provided by the age of mail order television. That'll do.

I don't need you to take me out to a fancy restaurant for wining and dining. Just throw a meal together once in a while to take that burden off of my mind. That'll do.

I don't need a housekeeper to come in and clean my bathrooms and floors once a week. Just take your shoes off when you come in and pick your laundry up off the floor for me. That'll do.

I don't need roses and perfume and diamond rings. Just bring me home my favorite chocolate every once in awhile. That'll do.

I don't need an all inclusive trip to the Riviera or the Caribbean. Just take all the kids away for the day every once in awhile and let me enjoy the peace and serenity of our own home. Alone. That'll do.

My ode to joy on a day when my husband has packed up all the kids and taken them away and I actually find myself with at least four hours of ALONE time in my own home. It's so funny how something so simple can make me feel like I've died and gone to heaven. I'm halfway done with my weekly chores, and when I get those done I am going to kick back with a favorite drink, my current book, and yes.... some chocolate.

Peppernuts

2010-12-16T12:55:00.000-06:00

I love these little babies. Never made them before but definitely going to become a Christmas tradition in our home from here on out. Warning, these are time intensive (not complicated though), but so worth it! Thanks Chris, for the recipe. It's perfect. For those of you not familiar with Peppernuts they are a mini Germanic Christmas cookie, small in stature but big in flavor. This recipe has a distinct peppermint/licorice bite to it and just TASTES like Christmas.

4 cups golden syrup
4 cups white sugar
2 cups margarine

2 beaten eggs
3 teaspoons peppermint extract
2 teaspoons vanilla

1 teaspoon black pepper
1 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
3 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
3/4 teaspoon ground annis

12 cups flour

bring syrup, sugar and margarine to a boil, cool.
add 2 beaten eggs, peppermint and vanilla to cooled syrup mixture
Sift remaining ingredients into 12 cups flour, In VERY large mixing bowl combine dry and wet ingredients, stir and knead until well mixed (I actually mixed it around a bit with a spoon, then my hands, then put half of the mixture into my kitchen aid mixer at a time, and used the dough hook on it until it was well blended, makes a very stiff dough.)

The traditional way of making peppernuts is then to roll out little logs with a diameter about the size of a dime, and then cut little circles about a quarter inch thick. My friend Chris squeezes them individually through a piping bag, but here's what I did. I sprinkled my island with white sugar and rolled it out into a long rectangular shape, about a 1/4 inch high. I then used my pastry cutter to cut straight lines the whole length of the dough, and then criss crossing in the other direction to make little squares about the size of a postage stamp. (Warning, these will nearly double in size when baked and they are meant to be tiny, so cut the squares or circles SMALL.) It made the cutting part much quicker but it's the next part that is time consuming. This is going to make just short of a kazillion little bite size cookies and they each need to go on a cookie sheet with that same postage stamp distance between it and its neighbor.

Bake at 350 for 10-15 minutes depending on the size, mine were small enough that 11 minutes did the trick, but I like mine crunchy. If you want them to stay chewy rather than crunchy you will want to make sure to not leave them in there even a minute too long. I tested one tray, let them cool 2 min's and then was able to tell if I wanted to leave them in longer or less time for the size and consistency I like. It's a matter of preference. When they are slightly golden you know they are good to come out though, they will get crunchier over time.

This recipe makes 2 ice cream pails full, and that was after all 7 people in our family were popping them like popcorn while we made them.

You will NOT regret putting the time into making these.

Love is a Verb.

2010-12-15T14:39:00.001-06:00

It's also going to be my word for 2011. I've been pondering this for a few weeks now;

"We treat love like a noun. An experience... a moment... a thing. But in John 13:34 we see a different side of love. John says simply and honestly, "love on another." It is not a fireworks feeling or a field of flowers. It's an action. A verb. It's not just about choosing the right person; it's about becoming the right person, the type of person who loves the way Christ loved us."

Andy Stanley (Thriving Family Magazine, Nov-Dec 2010)

I've got a lot to learn about loving the way Christ loved. Looking forward to growing in the year to come.

Easiest Poppycock EVER

2010-12-13T14:56:00.000-06:00

5 quarts (20 cups) popcorn
8 cups mixed sweet and salty nuts (I bought 2 assorted trays from Walmart)

3/4 cup corn syrup
1/4 butter or margarine
2 teaspoons cold water
2 cups and a heaping 1/2 cup (ie 2 5/8 cup) confectioners sugar
1 cup marshmallows

Reserve Popcorn in 2 of your largest mixing bowls, set nuts aside. Mix remaining ingredients in a med. sauce pan, bring to heat and bring to a gentle boil, allowing marshmallows to melt completely. Pour over popcorn mix and toss in nuts. Can be formed into popcorn balls (butter your hands well for this) or spread out on waxed paper in a 1 inch layer to "dry" before storing in sealed ice cream containers as poppycock. SUPER quick, SUPER easy, SUPER yummy!

Why I Don't "Do" Carpet

2010-12-06T13:41:00.000-06:00

If you were to vacuum a small section of carpet continuously for 20 minutes you would eliminate LESS THAN what percentage of the dust mites that dwell there?

a) less than 2%
b) less than 12%
c) less than 22 percent
d) less than 32%

Peanut Butter Pecan Chocolate Clusters

2010-12-03T18:08:00.000-06:00

2 tablespoons creamy peanut butter
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup butterscotch chips
2 cups salted pecans ( to salt use 2 tablespoon melted butter, 1 teaspoon salt, coat nuts in ziploc bag)

In medium saucepan combine peanut butter and both types of chocolate chips. Cook over medium heat until smooth. Remove from heat, add pecans, drop by rounded spoonfulls onto waxed paper, cool and refrigerate.

Power!

2010-12-02T10:39:00.000-06:00

One flash of lightning generates enough electricity to power the lights in how many houses for an entire year?

10 houses
100 houses
1000 houses
10,000 houses.

Bookends.

2010-11-29T15:37:00.002-06:00

The two bookends of salvation. Justification. Being made right with God. Jesus does all the work, it is effortless on our part.

Glorification. Being given a new body and a heavenly home. God does it all, because of Christ Jesus, again, effortless on our part.

In the middle of justification and glorification is sanctification and sanctification is NOT effortless, it is a ton of work. That's why most people like to focus on justification and glorification, "Receive Jesus and go to heaven" and they miss all the stuff in the middle which is... your life. Your life of sanctification where you repent of sin, you LEARN, you GROW, you CHANGE, and that takes great effort. It's exhausting.

"The closer I get to Jesus the more I realize how messed up I am." That is sanctification. You get closer to Jesus, look at him, look at yourself and realize..." there is much work to be done here." So you work with Jesus to become more like Him."

From Joy in Exhaustion by Mark Driscoll. Brought home some truths I have been trying to put my finger on for some time. Good stuff. He does not underemphasize that it is still God at work in us to will and be able to do what pleases Him, but He doesn't DO all this work, He empowers us to do the work. In a different sermon he compared it to tandem cycling on a unicycle. :) God moves one pedal, we move the other. When we are both moving in unison, we will get somewhere. Really helped me get a clear picture about these three core doctrines of the Christian faith.

As the new year approaches I am looking foward with great anticipation to discovering my "word" for 2010. Are any of you pondering yours?

Christmas Graham Fudge

2010-11-23T19:50:00.000-06:00

2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
1/4 cup butter or margarine
2 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1 1/2 cups almonds or pecans, chopped
14 oz sweetened condensed milk
1 tspn vanilla

melt chocolate chips and butter together until smooth. In large bowl combine graham crumbs and nuts. Stir in sweetened condensed milk and vanilla until crumbs are moistened, then stir in chocolate mixture. Spoon into greased 9x13 baking pan. Let stand at room temp for 2 hours before cutting into squares.

I'm Alive! And Kicking!

2010-11-22T14:33:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I've turned into one of "those" bloggers. Those non-blogging-bloggers. Eek. I have contemplated shutting down, just because (the perfectionist in me says) I'm not blogging with any regularity, partially on purpose, but the other half of me (the non perfectionist half) says, "aw, what the heck, just leave it there and use it when you want to." Cool. I'm cool with that. I think I am mellowing out as I age, and that is a real. good. thing.

Had a few rough days there, November can sometimes arrive accompanied by sneak panic attacks warning me that depression could just be looming behind any given door, waiting to catch me unawares. I think it has to do with the short days, less time outside, less sunlight and fresh air. Accompanying a dear friend through some struggles that she is facing, and fearing for her as I watch her teeter on the edge of her own depression brought me to a bit of a shaky place myself. I started keeping a journal for her, with words of encouragement, hope and experience, and it has been therapeutic for me as well as I remember the faithfulness of God to carry me through the dark times and prove Himself true and able.

I just realized I didn't post an update after going for my ultrasound on the 29th of October but happily, thankfully, that pesky placenta has moved into its proper position and I am good to go. The lab tech was not able to get a good enough view of the area in question to tell us the sex of the baby, so we're going to get a surprise. Got a girl's name all picked out from start to finish but drawing blanks on the boys (gee, we've already used up 7 boys names, it starts to get tough!).

'Tis the season, once again, and while I know my American friends are gearing up for Thanksgiving this week, we are already steeped in preparations for advent. Oh, how I love this season. Any season really, it is so good to contemplate the gifts He gives in each season of life.

So although you might not see me much right here, you will probably catch a glimpse of me a litle more often over here as I don my apron and make merry in the kitchen with my girls. Today it's easy breezy graham fudge. Oh yeah. Second batch this year. Eek.

Sweetened Condensed Milk DIY

2010-11-22T14:14:00.000-06:00

1 can evaporated milk
1 1/4 cup sugar

dissolve sugar in milk, cool, voila. Saves paying that extra buck they charge you at the grocery store.

alternatively, if you don't even have evaporated milk on hand (which I often don't, it's not a staple around here and I tend to only replace staples) you can simmer 2 cups milk until reduced to 60% and then add sugar. Even cheaper!

It's Christmas Baking Season around here. I will put up my easy breezy graham fudge recipe later today after it cools and I can snap some pics.

Thinkin’ Pink

2010-10-18T12:30:00.001-06:00

A girl can dream, no?

Right now this house seems filled with a frightening level of testosterone.

I would just love for the next little addition to our family to be a sweet, serene, wee little lass who would delight in cuddling up with me and the girls to lose ourselves in the world of Ingleside and Anne instead of out catching their hair on fire while burning the garbage…

or putting a piece of paper towel over the toaster and turning it on. Seriously. On purpose, people.

When it comes to catching things on fire, blowing things up and shooting bullets… I think we’ve got our hands full.

So I will keep thinkin’ pink. But that doesn’t mean I’m completely opposed to blue. Pink is purdy. But blue is purdy darn cool, too.

It's Complicated

2010-09-11T08:20:00.006-06:00

Just when I was ready to fall into a familiar and happy fall routine my world kind of got dumped on its head. On Monday I started bleeding and was sent into the hospital for tests, Tuesday found me at the radiologists in hopes that they would find the source of the bleeding, and all week has been one of many questions with no answers. My doctor was away and I never seemed to speak to the same person twice, and always on my own initiative (noone was calling me) and until yesterday I was completely in the dark and felt like I was wandering around in no man's land without an advocate. The ultrasound tests I took on Tuesday morning weren't signed off on until FRIDAY morning and noone could give me an answer one way or the other until they knew the results of those tests. It was very emotionally draining.

Finally my doctor was back and I had an appointment to see him first thing yesterday morning only to get there and find out that he had just been called away to labor and delivery. I literally felt the tears well up and felt I couldn't spend one more day in the dark. Thankfully another doctor in my clinic had a cancellation later that morning and took me in, and by that time my ultrasound report had FINALLY been released and he was able to give me some answers and counsel.

So it turns out that I have a very low lying placenta. 1.8 cm from my cervix with the baby laying transverse right on top of it. Not good. The tests weren't able to show conclusively where the bleeding was coming from (because I wasn't bleeding at that moment, but have bled once daily since Monday, flow... not spotting), but it is possible it is coming from pressure on my placenta which is a common occurence with placenta previa.

Practically speaking I am supposed to take it easy, avoiding all lifting or straining, or any jarring movements, but if things don't change in the next three weeks it will get more serious. This pesky placenta needs to move out of there and get back in its proper place or I will find myself being ordered on bed rest and then later a scheduled c-section. Would appreciate prayers that neither of those things happen. (Well, I don't care about the c-section so much, but I really can't imagine the thought of 5 months of bed rest).

So that's where I've been and that's where I'm at. Very thankful to at least know what is going on, and that it is not something more serious, but it is still pretty serious for a busy momma of 5 (with a dear extended family of 6 staying with us until they find housing and work) to immagine the possible repurcussions of this complication.

Love to you all.

Just Breathing

2010-08-16T21:41:00.004-06:00

I know my word for 2010 was JOY, but as the year has progressed I have come to realize that I can't have joy without peace, and thus this year has seemed to become a continuation of last, but with a slight variation. Last year I dubbed myself in "pursuit" of peace. This year I have been struggling to wrap my brain around a major paradigm shift (for me) that seems to be beckoning me to accept that peace isn't necessarily something to be pursued, but rather something to be embraced. The thing that stands in hindrance to my peace (of mind, heart, body, soul) is, when it really comes down to it, pursuit itself. The pursuit of MORE of something. More of this, more of that, more of... you name it. I think if God has been trying to tell me anything this year it is that peace and joy require me embracing who I am, where I am, with what I have been given and (could it really be?) nothing more.

This is huge for me, because I am, after all, a first born perfectionist who has always been in pursuit of perfecting (or at least improving) SOMETHING. I think it gives me a feeling of being in control of my my life. Successful. Fulfilled. With it (cough, cough). Recently I was struck by these lyrics from an Alli Rogers song;

"when I'm away from my source of peace
something fills that space in me
and it feels like
I don't need you"

My source of peace. Wow. That hit me like a ton of bricks. Here I am pursuing peace and all that jazz, pursuing, pursuing, pursuing... something/one that lives in me. Something/one that is WITHIN. Something/one I merely need to embrace. And the rest of it? Well, the rest of it is what keeps me from embracing. Keeps me moving, reaching, running. The things that fill the spaces and take a stranglehold on me and keep me from just... breathing.

So that's what I'm working on. Just... breathing.

Great Expectations.

2010-07-16T13:43:00.001-06:00

The girls told me last night that they prayed for a baby sister. As the story unfolded they explained that they will only ask ONCE, because if they continue asking it will look like they don’t have faith and God doesn’t honor prayers that aren’t prayed in faith. So they prayed ONCE with childlike faith and have great expectations. As do we!

Snapshots of a Prairie Existence

2010-06-22T17:18:00.001-06:00

First things first. A favorite cuppa this

then grab these

to spend some lovely quiet time here

after which I head out to feed this little jigger

while warding off this not so little jigger

then pick some of this

to make some of this

hang a little of this

cut a little of this

and this

and if I want to rack up some brownie points with my husband this

then weed a little of this

and this

then pour myself a glass of this

and sit back down in this

and wait for my dragon slayer to pull up

when the fun really begins.

and of course these pictures don’t really do any justice to the faces I washed, the teeth I brushed, the bums I wiped, the mouths I fed, the stories I read, the rooms I cleaned and the people I loved. But it’s a snapshot I thought you might enjoy.

A Fixed Gaze.

2010-06-11T09:07:00.001-06:00

photo by lynnc

So I’ve been thinking. I lose sight of the big picture so easily. Get bogged down in chains of denial and apathy and distraction. I forget what it’s really all about and even in my striving ironically I somehow manage to alienate myself from Him. It really is all about relationship. With Him. Period. Everything else is just a byproduct. It’s not who I am. It’s not why I’m here. It’s not important except to the extent it causes me to turn to Him, learn from Him, grow in Him. It really is all about Him and the relationship He has procured with me and desires from me.

“Having no relationship with God, humankind has likewise struggled with its personal identity and purpose for being here. Being a man or a woman may describe one’s sexuality, but it doesn’t define one’s identity. As a result of the curse, women will bear their children in pain and men shall work by the sweat of their brow. Consequently, women have historically tried to find their identity in their role as mother, and men have tried to find their identity in their careers. But what if a woman never gets married or is unable to bear children? What if the man loses his job or the ability to work? Do those men and women lose their primary identity in Christ, or their God given purpose for being here?

Trying to be our own “god” has driven people to improve their appearance, to perform better and to seek a higher social status as a means of verification. However, whatever pinnacle of self identity we manage to achieve soon crumbles under the pressure of hostile rejection or criticism, introspection or guilt, fear or anxiety. Somebody will eventually look better, perform at a higher standard and reach a greater social status. Everything we have managed to achieve or possess by human effort we shall one day lose. We are incomplete without Christ, and nothing we can do by way of self help will make us whole.

The natural person senses that something is missing but fails to fill the void by human effort. There is a longing for wholeness and a deep inner groaning as a result of its absence, but we are not alone in our groaning. “We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time” (Rom 8:22) All of creation was affected by the Fall and longs for the day of redemption.

Neil Anderson, The Daily Discipler, pp36-37

That bolded list gave me serious pause for thought this morning. What pressures work away at my identity and distract me from the reality of who I am and what I am here for? Introspection is a huge one for me. I think anxiety goes hand in hand with it as well. I spend more time thinking through things and worrying about stuff in some ridiculous manner like I can actually control the outcome if I figure it all out, that I forget that He is Lord of every situation and wants to intimately lead and guide and be One with me in and through and as a result of every single situation in my life.

How about you? Which of those heavy words weighed down by chains of bondage tend to tie you up and hold you down?

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, Hebrews 12:1-2

Gratitude

2010-06-10T09:01:00.001-06:00

The unthankful heart... discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings! ~Henry Ward Beecher

for a warm snug house on a dreary rainy day

for new spaces that create dearly appreciated space for this growing, busy family

for the gift of words on paper, and on this screen, that exhort, encourage, inspire, convict

for a man who loves me despite my weaknesses and shows me in so many ways

for the gift of praise and faith that issues forth from my children, in their journaling, in their prayers, in their thoughts expressed around the dinner table at family devotions

for steamy chai lattes and fresh baked bread and friends to share them with

for dreams and plans, hope for the future

for daily provision in the simple things and the extravagant, my Father is so lavishly generous.

For time. Time alone, time with my beloved, time with my little rugrats, time with friends, time with My Lord. Time is so precious.

for a husband who is the most responsible, hard working, diligent, amazing man I know (sorry girls). I am continuously astounded by what this man can and does accomplish.

For the gift of modern conveniences. As my washer spins, my dishwasher hums and my breadmaker kneads… it is all music to my ears and I just smile. I will even relish the sound and warmth of the dryer today for a change, as the rain comes down in a steady shower outside my window.

Paint, Flooring, Furniture, Oh My!

2010-06-07T21:43:00.001-06:00

Soooooooo excited that I couldn’t wait for good lighting to show you what’s happening in the addition. Speaking of lighting I’ll start with that.

Bought these cute wall sconces at Home Depot, they match some iron sconces we brought from Italy that will hang from the centre of the room (not up yet).

the wide doorway leading from the old teensy weensy living room that will now be a piano room.

Prairie Guy just brought these two club chairs home from the city (on sale for 150.00 each!) for me yesterday, I am beside myself with excitement. They will be very easy to match when I finally purchase a new couch and love seat.

this summer Prairie Guy has big plans to replace the siding and trim on our house and build me a brick patio. Come winter he will finish the trim on these rooms which will include this type of square panel wainscoting and lots of wide white trim.

off of the new living room is my new schoolroom. We purchased this huge U shaped desk from Costco ($299.00!), but separated it into two pieces. This part will be the computer desk.

and this will be our science workspace.

the table I bought at Canadian Tire on clearance for $60.00

the chairs are our classic Tuscan chairs, I want to redo the seats with a nice padded leather. I have 10 of these chairs so when I finally get the new dining room chairs I’m dreaming of our schoolroom will be well equipped with chairs!

the printer stand was an old piece I had purchased years ago for $50.00 as a tv/vcr stand, it matches perfect!

I have 3 large bookcases that will go along this wall, basically making it wall to wall and floor to ceiling bookcase.

my fun antique lighting. love them. I think the centre piece was 49.99 and the individual lights over the two desks were 29.99 at Home Depot.

Now to accessorize and utilize this amazing new space!

Ain't That The Truth?

2010-06-02T08:45:00.002-06:00

"Truth will not set you free if it is only acknowledged and intellectually discussed. Truth must be personally believed and appropriated in the heart."

Neil Anderson, The Daily Discipler, p 16

The Discipleship Growth Chart

2010-06-01T08:33:00.004-06:00

growth chart from the pottery barn

I loved this concise yet detailed breakdown of the basic developmental stages of both growth and conflict in the life of the disciple in the introduction to The Daily Discipler. I found it fascinating to look at the stages of development and be able to track my own growth pretty clearly on the chart. Check it out;

Levels of Conflict

Spiritual
Level 1     lack of salvation or assurance thereof (Eph 2:1-3)
Level 2     living according to the flesh (Gal 5:19-21)
Level 3     insensitive to the spirit's leading (Heb 5:11-14)

Rational
Level 1     pride and ignorance (1 Cor 8:1)
Level 2     wrong belief or philosophy (Col 2:8)
Level 3     lack of knowledge (Hos 4:6)

Emotional
Level 1     fearful, guilty or shameful (Mat 10:26-33; Rom 3:23)
Level 2     angry, anxious or depressed (Eph 4:31; 1 Pet 5:7; 2 Cor 4:1-18)
Level 3     discouraged and sorrowful (Gal 6:9)

Volitional
Level 1     rebellious (1 Tim 1:9)
Level 2     lack of self control (1 Cor 3:1-3)
Level 3     undisciplined (2 Thess 3:7,11)

Relational
Level 1    rejected and unloved (1 Pet 2:4)
Level 2    bitter and unforgiving (Col 3:13)
Level 3    selfish (1 Cor 10:24; Phil 2:1-5

then there is another chart for levels of growth that mirrors the first chart and our inner conflicts

Spiritual
Level 1     child of God (Rom 8:16)
Level 2     lives according to the Spirit (Gal 5:22-23)
Level 3     led by the Spirit (Rom 8:14)

Rational
Level 1     knows the truth (John 8:32)
Level 2     correctly uses the Bible (2 Tim 2:15)
Level 3     adequate and equipped (2 Tim 3:16-17)

Emotional
Level 1     free (Gal 5:1)
Level 2     joyful, peaceful and patient (Gal 5:22)
Level 3     contented (Phil 4:11)

Volitional
Level 1     submissive (Rom 13:1-5)
Level 2     self controlled (Gal 5:23)
Level 3     disciplined (1 Tim 4:7-8)

Relational
Level 1     accepted and forgiven (Rom 5:8; 15:7)
Level 2     forgiving (Eph 4:32)
Level 3     loving and unselfish. (Phil 2:1-5)
(Neil T. Anderson, The Daily Discipler, pp14-15)
I have to say this just was such an eye opener to me. To look at those phases of conflict paired with the phases of growth and to actually "see" what it is we should be growing into, and examine where we are at on the growth chart. When we are struggling with something to be able to hold it up to this and ask, "what am I really struggling with here?" If it's submission, then is it pride, or rebellion, or self control on my part that I need to check? I'm liking this tool.

Daily Discipleship

2010-05-31T08:20:00.000-06:00

For years Prairie Guy and I have had a heart for discipleship. We've known that it is an integral and vital aspect of the christian walk, both to BE a disciple, following in the footsteps of the Master, and to disciple, as He commanded His followers to do. "Go now and MAKE disciples." were His words.

Of course, not having had anyone who took us under their wing to disciple us, and having put so much energy into seeking to be good disciples ourselves, we were always left scratching our heads about the practicalities of discipling others. Where do you start? How do you proceed? We have long been on the lookout for a resource that could be practical and helpful in pursuing this great commission of discipleship.

Well stop the press, I do believe we found it. After finishing "The Life You've Always Wanted" by John Ortberg, which is truly the most practical and inspiring book I have ever read on the spiritual disciplines, I went to the Christian Bookstore with the sole purpose of seeking out a book on systematic discipleship. A book that would walk a body through, step by step, the doctrines of the christian faith from start to finish. A primer for a life of spiritual growth if you will. Sound lofty? Sound impossible? Yeah, I didn't have high hopes, but it was what I was hoping and praying for.

And folks, I do believe I found it. Please bear with me while I "freak out" with excitement over my new book.

It's called The Daily Discipler and it is written by Neil Anderson. The back of the book reads;

"We all have busy lives, and the pace seems to be getting faster. Daily demands can easily crowd out what is truly important and essential for our spiritual growth and health...

Reading this practical discipler five minutes a day, five days a week, for one year will give you exposure to a comprehensive and very practical course of systematic theology. Following Paul's outline for growth in Colossians 2:6-7, part I will help you get firmly rooted in Christ. You will learn who you are in Christ and who God is, plus other critically important foundations for your faith.

Part 2 teaches you how to grow in Christ and overcome anger, anxiety, depression and fear. You will earn how to live by faith in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Part 3 teaches you how to live in Christ and be a good steward of what He has entrusted to you.

Part 4 teaches you how to overcome in Christ the enemies that strive to keep you from living like a child of God, namely the world, the flesh and the devil.

Bring. It. On.

Appropriate Smallness

2010-05-18T11:53:00.001-06:00

photo by samweng

Why so quiet, you ask? Well, spring finally hit the great north and who has time to sit in front of a computer when there is so much fun to be had outside? But now as planting season draws to a close and the temps start to soar I find myself welcoming the cool, shaded retreat of a closed up house for a short reprieve and some quieter pursuits.

While my hands have been busy, my mind has been relatively at rest, but not altogether devoid of mental fodder. Let's see. A month or so back I quoted from one of the chapters in "The Life You've Always Wanted" (this has been a very gently and yet inspirationally impactful read for me!) that focused on what he refers to as "appropriate smallness" (ie, humility). Really, I have pretty much been moored at that chapter and another one in conjunction with it (more to come on that later), just truly letting the thoughts settle and take root in the soil of my own life. There is great truth and great challenge to be found here for me.
His sub list for "appropriate smallness" touched on;

a)vanity

b)stubbornness

c)exclusion (excluding God and other people from their rightful place in our hearts). He writes; "Pride moves us to judge rather than to serve. Pride means not only that we want to be smart and wealthy (insert your competitive streak here), but also that we will not be satisfied until we are smarter and wealthier than those around us. Pride is essentially comparative nature."

OUCH.

That ripped open a gaping hole for me to stare into, aghast, and recognize that oh.yes.siree.pride-is-alive-and well-in-the-chasms-of-this-body-of-death. Trust me when I say it wasn't pretty.

Well, he diagnosed the problem... what about the remedial course of action? I just love what he had to say about humility.

"Humility has to do with submitted willingness. It involves healthy self-forgetfulness. We will know we have begun to make progress in humility when we find that we get so enabled by the Holy Spirit to live in the moment that we cease to be preoccupied with ourselves one way or the other."

So like I said, I've been moored at the dock of "appropriate smallness" for some weeks now and it is revolutionizing my life. No great miracles or anything, just a peace inducing state with a lack of striving, be it mental, emotional, physical. Just living in the moment, making the most of each day seeking to build into others while rising and falling to the rhythm of life, be it catching a tidal wave one day and hanging on for the ride or just kicking back and splashing in the shallows.

Life is good. It is especially good when you discover the secret to being high on life has absolutely nothing to do with being high on yourself but has everything in the world to do with discovering your appropriate smallness.

These are the Moments

2010-05-04T23:13:00.001-06:00

That I have to make time to capture. Can’t seem to make time to capture my own thoughts in print, but swing on over here to get a glimpse into the everyday goings on around here. This is what I’m doin’… raisin’ these kids and lovin’ this man and falling into bed exhausted but happy at the end of the day.

Evergreen

2010-04-29T08:47:00.000-06:00

Question: What do you call a tree that doesn't lose its leaves in winter?

Answer: "A pine..... a..... pineapple..... no.... a.... ummmm.... oh yeah, I know! A PALM tree!"

The Hero, aged 6

A Little Less Talk

2010-04-28T12:47:00.001-06:00

photo by bewinca

and a lot more action. Okay, so it’s a lame line from a country song… but it really does represent a great truth. It’s something I’ve been trying to teach my kids of late. That if they would shush up, hunker down, stay focused and follow through things would run smoothly for the most part and we wouldn’t have so much drama.

I heard myself saying something to that affect not long ago and had to take a step back and listen. To myself. Yeah… it was a classic case of “practice what you preach there, girl”.

So just in *case* anyone’s wondering where I’ve gotten to… I’m here. Just talking less and doing more. Lots of fascinating things tumbling around in my head and heart that I may or may not reveal sooner or later but not necessarily sooner than later :)

A Pilgrim’s Progress

2010-04-16T00:01:00.003-06:00

photo by halocyn
“Pride is a persistent problem for people who strive for spiritual growth.
Once in a while I go on a diet. At those times, if I am in a restaurant, watching people eat, I find certain thoughts involuntarily running through my mind. How can people eat like that? How can they treat their bodies that way? don’t they know that junk is lethal? Have they no discipline, no self-restraint? Are these the ones, then, of whom Paul wrote, “their end is destruction; their god is the belly?”
I get these thoughts even though- or perhaps more precisely, because- these people are eating the same things I ate yesterday before my diet began and will be eating again next week after I have given it up.
Here is the problem. When I try to do something good, I am intensely aware of it. And I tend to be aware of other people who aren’t putting forth the same effort. Then I tend to think they should : I start to compare my effort with their sloth. The result is pride, comparison, judgmentalism, and a lack of love.
One of the hardest things in the world is to stop being the prodigal son without turning into the elder brother.”

John Ortberg; “Appropriate Smallness"

Ouch. I asked for it. And I got it. “Show me the root of this inner struggle, Lord… what am I *really* wrestling with here?” BOING. Ask and you shall receive. The problem? Pride. The worst kind of pride, for there are many… mine is the sneaky kind. The kind cloaked in false humility and self aggrandizement. You know, the kind that is proud of being humble… ouch. Yeah… all the symptoms are there, there’s no denial of this diagnosis. But where do I go from here?

“So how can humility be pursued….? The ministry of bearing with one another is more than simply tolerating difficult people. It is also learning to hear God speak through them. It is learning to be “for” them. It is learning that the difficult person I have most to deal with is ME.

This means that a part of the ministry to which I am called is to free people- repeatedly if necessary- from the little mental prisons to which I confine them. It may be a person who criticizes me, whether justly or unjustly, lovingly or spitefully. It may be the most difficult kind of person of all- one in whom I see the same struggles that rage inside me.
Bearing with them does not require becoming best friends, but means learning to wish them well, releasing our right to hurt them back, coming to experience our common standing before the cross.
It turns out that the life we have always wanted- when our wants are purified and true- is a life of humility.”

John Ortberg, The Life You’ve Always Wanted.

I feel rather like Pilgrim. I’ve just discovered this bulky burden on my back. With trembling fingers I’m reaching for the buckles that have held this pack in place for God only knows how long. I’m laying it down in pursuit of the life I’ve always wanted. Trading it in. Extra baggage for appropriate smallness. After all, I've always wanted to be small =) Here's my chance.

Reach.

2010-04-14T11:14:00.002-06:00

photo by eyebiz

(This is a cross post from Prairie Passages. Please feel free to join us there as we seek to touch His garment each day through the words He has left us).

"He had healed many; insomuch that they pressed against Him to try to touch Him." Mark 3:10
...The picture of the people thronging here about Christ, pressing upon Him, each one eagerly struggling to touch Him, is very graphic and vivid. A touch was enough. All that touched Him were made whole. Life and health flowed into the diseased bodies where the trembling fingers came in contact with the Healer, even with His garments. So a touch is enough always.
Anyone who regularly touches Christ is healed. But we must be sure to touch Him. It is not enough to be in the crowd that gathers about Him. Only those are healed whose faith truly brings them in contact with Him. It is not enough to be in the congregation that worships. One sitting or bowing next to us may receive a great blessing while we receive none at all. It is because he reaches out his hand of faith and touches Christ, while we, as close to Christ as he is, do not put our hand out to touch Him, and therefore receive no blessing."
Excerpt from Come Ye Apart by J.R. Miller

Reach, my friends. Keep reaching. I am blessed every time I see you touch the hem of His garment.

Praise the Lamb

2010-04-03T16:45:00.004-06:00

photo by raichlinger

You are my

sacrifice

My lamb

I lay on the altar

So that I

may have life

Your blood

is my way to the Father.

photo by littleman

So I offer up my life

It’s all that I have to give

I confess that I have sinned.

Praise the Lamb

Who was slain.

photo by Nota

Almighty God

beheld in flesh

Your body

Murdered and buried.

Rising up

Overcoming death

Our burdens

You lifted and carried

photo by kianee

So I offer up my life

It’s all that I have to give

and confess that I have sinned

Praise the Lamb

Praise the Lamb.

photo by lindamac

With one sacrifice

You have forever made perfect

those

who are being made holy

we’re being made holy

we’re being made holy.

Music and Lyrics by Alli Rogers

“The Lord has prepared a sacrifice; He has made holy His invited guests.” Zephaniah 1:7

Praise The Lamb!

Barefoot

2010-03-19T09:41:00.001-06:00

“And Moses said, ‘I must turn aside and look at this great sight, and see why the bush is not burned up.’

Everything turned on Moses’ being willing to ‘turn aside’ – to interrupt his daily routine to pay attention to the presence of God. He didn’t have to. He could have looked the other way., as many of us would. He would have just missed the Exodus, the people of Israel, his calling, the reason for his existence. He would have missed knowing God.

But he didn’t miss it. He stopped. He “turned aside.”

John Ortberg, Spiritual Disciplines for Ordinary People

Earth is crammed with Heaven, And every common bush afire with God, But only he who sees takes off his shoes-

Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

I pledge… to stop. To turn aside. To live barefoot. I don’t want to miss a thing. And you?

photo: My Hub and My Hero, waiting on a miracle.

One Country Mile

2010-03-18T08:50:00.001-06:00

photo by Kinsey

Such a little road of no significance

one perfect prairie mile

stretching east to west straight and true as only a prairie road can

pointing your slender, ruddy finger from ferry road to river hills

centre of my universe.

You were not designed for traffic

for getting harried people from point A to point B

indeed, Google Maps knows not of your existence

and there is no reason why they should

and oh, how I love that thought.

Our little country mile

that brings us home

that piles up high with winter snow

until we are closed in

within

delighted at the prospect

of not getting out

and no one getting in

just reveling in the mystery of home.

Oh yes, there are the neighbor folk

dear people that they are

their yard light a beacon half a mile up the way

warming our hearts

when the nights get dark

and we could feel so far removed from reality.

For you, oh little country mile

are off the beaten track

just where we like you.

In the middle of nowhere

centre of our universe.

I learned to run on your crunchy surface

fields of wheat stretching away from me as far as the eye can see

I revel in the sound of your little sandy stones under my feet

or the wheels of my children’s bicycles

or my beloved’s tires as he turns in the drive at day’s end.

What walks and confidences have been shared

along the ribbon of your ruddy lane

and you hold all dreams and secrets well.

I can’t but smile when I turn your corner

See the river hills rolling away before me

and the stately trees that line your flank

arresting the wind and furnishing a still and magical shelter

for the traveler blessed to pass beneath their shadow.

The two little farmyards half mile apart

One so perfect, so manicured, lovely

a feast for the eyes and the soul.

And then comes ours

and I just smile.

Little country house with many gables,

Big red barn with tumbledown stables

windmill reaching to the sky

five little children on the fly

from orchard to pond, garden to gate

dugout to pasture and back again

You are only one bantam country mile

yet you harbor so much joy

and so much life.

Raccoons and muskrats, deer galore

foxes and coyotes, skunks and more

owls and eagles, hawks and squirrels

all hide in your ditches, your woods, your bowels

my little country mile.

My sweet country mile

on this homey country quarter

in a vast prairie province

in this magnificent northern nation

on this continent of continents

center of my universe.

Home.

my contribution to Random Acts of Poetry.

Missy’s Marriage Bed

2010-03-17T09:32:00.001-06:00

I spent the night on the couch the night before I read this.

Couldn’t resist sharing the laughter. Haven’t laughed till I cried like that in awhile.

In my personal fairytale turned nightmare I tiptoed quietly into our room (in the pitch dark) about 10 minutes after my dragon slayer had gone to bed, quietly flipped the cap on my water bottle and took two swallows. He violently pulled his pillow over his head and mumbled, “Can you settle down, already?”

Alrighty, then. I crawled oh-so-carefully into bed and laid there trying not to move a single digit, praying quietly for a few minutes when all of a sudden the entire bed heaves, he literally LEAPS out of bed, hits the floor, SNAPS on the light and stomps heavily over to the closet. I lay there with a a facial expression that looked like I had about 4 too many plastic surgeries, that’s how high my eyebrows must have arched. I mean, REALLY???

After fumbling around in the closet for a different pillow (don’t ask), he came back to bed, and I commented on the irony of it… all things considered. He got that. And he did apologize, but…. REALLY?? LOL!

Needless to say, when I heard the pitter patter of little feet coming into the room about 10 minutes later I sighed and resigned myself to the fact that if either one of us were to get any sleep, ONE of us was going to have to find the couch.

And in some twisted way, after fourteen years of marriage it is very romantic to hear your husband’s feet coming down the stairs in the morning, to sense him crossing the room, and bending over you to kiss you good morning, albeit with breath that really could slay a dragon.

Oh yes, our beautiful Italian cotton sheets also boast stains and ball point pen scrawlings and yesterday my lovely pillow with the crocheted Italian lace was used as a punching bag, bullet proof vest and trampoline on the living room floor for the course of the morning.

It’s really nice to know that you’re not the only one living a fairytale that sometimes has more of the qualities of a nightmare. And knowing that you are not the only one who has pistol shots going off in your bedroom in the middle of the night….

Ah…. laughter is good medicine.

Not all Paradise, but Heavenly Nonetheless

2010-03-15T09:15:00.002-06:00

photo by mcfly1980
“ It was not all Paradise by any means, but everyone was better for the division of labor system. The children throve under the paternal rule, for accurate, steadfast John brought order and obedience into Babydom, while Meg recovered her spirits and composed her nerves by plenty of wholesome exercise, a little pleasure, and much confidential conversation with her sensible husband.

Home grew homelike again, and John had no wish to leave it, unless he took Meg with him. The Scotts came to the Brookes' now, and everyone found the little house a cheerful place, full of happiness, content, and family love. Even Sallie Moffatt liked to go there. "It is always so quiet and pleasant here, it does me good, Meg," she used to say, looking about her with wistful eyes, as if trying to discover the charm, that she might use it in her great house, full of splendid loneliness, for there were no riotous, sunny-faced babies there, and Ned lived in a world of his own, where there was no place for her.
This household happiness did not come all at once, but John and Meg had found the key to it, and each year of married life taught them how to use it, unlocking the treasuries of real home love and mutual helpfulness, which the poorest may possess, and the richest cannot buy.
This is the sort of shelf on which young wives and mothers may consent to be laid, safe from the restless fret and fever of the world, finding loyal lovers in the little sons and daughters who cling to them, undaunted by sorrow, poverty, or age, walking side by side, through fair and stormy weather, with a faithful friend, who is, in the true sense of the good old Saxon word, the `house-band', and learning, as Meg learned, that a woman's happiest kingdom is home, her highest honor the art of ruling it not as a queen, but as a wise wife and mother.” Louisa May Alcott, Good Wives.

This just sums up my life so perfectly, right now. The Peasant Princess Project has just helped me to refocus and get excited about RULING my little kingdom again, as it is showing me how I had unwittingly fallen prey to so many little lies (remember the foxes?!) that were ruining my vineyard. Some of them were external lies of lifestyle choices, and some were internal choices of attitude. I have delighted in watching the transformation as I repent, truly repent, not just with sorrow, but with a turnabout of behavior. How when my heart is turned toward home my husband and children thrive, and I blossom, and contrary to what one might think, becoming more home centered doesn’t rob me of opportunities to step “out” of the home, it actually provides me with more in a way. In a balanced, beautiful, blessed way.

My heart is just full to bursting with this new stepping stone of maturity in my life, it has brought things into such a beautiful balance and I truly do feel like the richest girl in the world. The richest girl, who still suffers from PMS, because like the title stays, it’s not ALL paradise by any means. =)

A Valentine in March

2010-03-10T07:27:00.003-06:00

photo by tijmen

I cry your mercy–

pity–

love…

aye, love!

Merciful love that tantalizes not,

One-thoughted,

never-wandering,

guileless love,

Unmasked,

and being seen–

without a blot.

O! let me have thee whole,

–all–

all–

be mine!

That shape,

that fairness,

that sweet minor zest

Of love,

your kiss,–

those hands,

those eyes divine,

That warm,

white,

lucent,

million-pleasured breast,–

Yourself–

your soul–

in pity give me all.

Withhold no atom’s atom or I die…

John Keats

Now if that’s not enough to cause a girl to sigh, I don’t know what is. What a gift is this love! What a visual of the love He has for us and desires from us (minus the pity and mercy on His behalf of course). It leaves me rather… breathless.

“Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.”

Isaac Watts, 1707

Brilliant.

2010-03-09T14:32:00.000-06:00

May I just say, completely and unabashedly that my daughter is BRILLIANT? *grin*

We got a doozy of a poem in our literature selection today. A real doozy. I choked on the words a bit and wasn't at all sure that we needed to be going there... but needs or not, I have found there is a usually a valuable lesson to be uncovered in most any revelation, and have learned to use it to my advantage. Indeed, I am thankful that there is NO topic that my children would consider taboo to discuss as a family. So today, it was this... this... elusive (or it was to me in the moment) piece of poetry about lust, and temptation, sex and sin. Like I said, a real doozy. About halfway through I said to my daughter

"Um. I'm not sure why we need to be reading this." and she said...

Oh... hold on. I'll tell you what she said after you've read the text, and then you can tell me if indeed my daughter is not brilliant.

A SAINT'S DAMNATION

Aleister Crowley

You buy my spirit with those shameless eyes That burn my soul,
you loose the torrent stream Of my desire,
you make my lips your prize,

And on them burns the whole life's hope: you deem
You buy a heart; but I am well aware
How my damnation dwells in that supreme

Passion to feel upon your shoulders bare,
And pass the dewy twilight of our sin
In the intolerable flames of hair
That clothe my body from your head; you win

The devil's bargain; I am yours to kill,
Yours, for one kiss; my spirit for your skin!
O bitter love, consuming all my will!
O love destroying, that hast drained my life
Of all those fountains of dear blood that fill

My heart! O woman, would I call you wife?
Would I content you with one touch divine
To flood your spirit with the clinging strife
Of perfect passionate joy, the joy of wine,
The drunkenness of extreme pleasure, filled
From sin's amazing cup. Oh, mine, mine, mine,

Mine, if your kisses maddened me or killed,
Mine, at the price of my damnation deep,
Mine, if you will, as once your glances willed!
Take me, or break me, slay or soothe to sleep,

If only yours one hour, one perfect hour,
Remembrance and despair and hope to steep.
In the infernal potion of that flower,
My poisonous passion for your blood! Behold!
How utterly I yield, how gladly dower

Our sin with my own spirit's quenched gold,
Clothe love with my own soul's immortal power,
Give thee my body as a fire to hold--
O love, no words, no songs--your breast my bower!

and she said; "don't you think it's about Samson and Delilah?"

"Well... hmm... I don't know about that."

"I think it is."

The girl's got my imagination and then some. After finishing the reading she went on to defend her interpretation with the following arguments;

1.) Delilah had shameless eyes
2) Samson was damned through trusting her
3) the reference to hair in the third stanza seemed to provide a clue
4) his comparing her to wine, which he could not drink, another.
5) the reference to "soothing him to sleep".

Now really, she may not be "right" but you've got to hand it to the girl, she's not wrong!

Was I ready to go there? No... no-indeed-I-was-not. Am I glad we did? Yeah, I gotta say... it feels very strange, like my little girl is not really my little girl anymore, but the truth of the matter is that she is NOT my little girl. She is growing up. I'm so glad that I get to glimpse inside her head and heart at each twist and turn in this journey of education.

Going For Gold

2010-03-06T15:47:00.001-06:00

“What will we carry?

What will stay with us?

What will shine like gold

when the story’s told?

Some things will tarry

some will return to dust

There are things we can

and things we can not….

keep.”

Alli Rogers

This song has been playing over and over in my head in recent weeks. The hype and mania surrounding the Olympics always has a way of rubbing me a wee bit raw. Not that I don’t enjoy watching as much as the next person but somehow, when it’s all said and done, I am left wondering about a lot of things. It makes me question what we’re going for. In some way we are all going for gold in one arena or another.

A golden paystub, title, home, job, something that will make us feel worthwhile, recognized, appreciated… a winner..

Jesus had it all. And he left it to become a servant of all. He left His golden throne for a dusty old manger, his mansion of glory for a carpenter's hovel, streets of gold for dusty roads in the backwoods of Judea.

And he calls his own to do likewise. As I ponder going for gold I think of my good friend Shane, and his beautiful family, packing up to move (back) to Haiti, leaving the comforts and riches we live with every day to become sojourners in a community reduced to ashes and rubble. They prepare to go, and their act of love and service will shine like gold in the hearts of those they minister to.

What things will tarry? Really tarry into eternity I mean. Only what we invest into others. The seeds of love and kindness that we plant in the soil of other lives. The examples of Christ’s love that we live out as we reach out and seek to embrace others and invite them to join us on this golden journey. This journey towards the only thing that matters, the only thing that will endure, the only thing that will stand the test of time. A relationship with the Creator of our Souls. To be beyond excited, beyond crazed about this journey that will end at a heavenly podium, before our heavenly father, and the bridegroom that waits to crown us with many crowns.

I look at my children. My husband. The people I rub shoulders with every day and I think that there is no greater calling than to LOVE them. SERVE them. Be Jesus hands and feet to them. And surely there can be no greater reward here or in the hereafter than to hear those words,

'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!.”

Sometimes it seems so far from stellar. So…..mundane. This stripping myself of me, tying this apron of service around my waist, getting on my knees and washing another’s proverbial feet. It requires as much dedication and commitment and sacrifice as any Olympic dream. Maybe more.

The Peasant Princess Project, Part VIII

2010-03-01T22:01:00.001-06:00

“I opened the door for my lover, but my lover had left and was gone… I looked for him but could not find him, I called for him but he did not answer.” S of S 5:6 photo by plusverde

Stepping Stone #32 Don’t Drive Him Away. If I don’t welcome him into this home, my heart, my day planner, our bedroom with open arms and a soft heart, he will inevitably go looking for another soft place to fall where he can be rejuvenated. Not that personal pursuits are not important and good, when they are in a position of healthy balance around a beautiful relationship and healthy family dynamic but when they are to fill a void, to escape, or out of desperation… the scales are tipped and the marriage will suffer.

My Lover has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to feed in the gardens and to gather lilies. I belong to my lover, and my lover belongs to me. He feeds among the lilies. Song of Solomon 6:2-3photo by coscurro

Stepping Stone #33 Chase Him Down. Note to self, this is humbling. She was his, but she held back, he was hers but she pushed him away, and now he has gone searching for beauty and peace elsewhere. She was once his Lily and his oasis, now he gathers lilies elsewhere. Does she sit sulking and justifying? Bemoaning what they don’t have and wishing things were different? No. She runs after him.

Turn your eyes from me because they excite me too much. Song of Solomon 6:5 photo by trublueboy

Stepping Stone #34 Make Eye Contact. Note to self; I know it well. It’s the key to melting conflict. I can not look him in the eyes and stay mad. I’ve said it myself. “I don’t *want* to look at you. I’m mad. I want to stay mad. I have the right to be mad. Don’t touch me. Don’t try to butter me up and smooth this over. You wronged me. I know if I let you kiss me and touch me and smooth my hair and hold my face and look me in the eyes I will melt and right now I want to be hard as flint.

“I went down into the orchard to see the blossoms of the valley, to look for buds on the vines, to see if the pomegranite trees had bloomed. Before I realized it, my desire for you…” Song of Solomon 6:11-12 photo by npiggy2

Stepping Stone #35 Forgive. Note to self; He went somewhere else, blew off some steam, thought about it and realized that this was not God’s design for their marriage. Whatever his wife had done, God did not want him to pursue other means of satisfaction. God wanted him to be fulfilled in his marital relationship and not let sin drive a wedge in there and send him packing.

“Come back, come back, woman of Shulam.” S of S 6:13 photo by vxdigital

Stepping Stone #36 Repent. “Fish swim, birds fly, Christians repent.” We swallow our pride, we admit we were wrong, we mourn our shortcomings and passionately seek to pursue maturity by the power of and for the glory of God.

The Peasant Princess Project, Bedroom Makeover

2010-02-24T12:29:00.001-06:00

For Prairie Guy’s birthday I thought it would be timely and sweet to do a bedroom makeover. We have started using our bedroom during the day (don’t even go there) to get away, have some quiet time (“Oh THAT’S what they’re calling it these days?” my one friend already teases me) catch up on our day, or just enjoy 20 minutes of shut eye. It’s the only place we can really be alone and we are trying to ingrain it into our kids that it’s a sacred place. A quiet place. A private place.

The thing is that our bedroom is not the *nicest* place to be. We haven’t done a thing to it since we moved in, and although I have my perfect picture dream of how I want it to look, it has not been on the top of our priority list. I think maybe it needs to get pushed up there, but considering our kids don’t even have CLOSETS yet, well, you see how things are.

But I decided I could work with what I have and transform it into something special even if it doesn’t have the white wainscoting and crown molding that bring it all together in my head. So here is what I did.

New bedding, a reversible black and white comforter from the Better Homes and Gardens Collection.

Crocheted lace from Italy. A wedding present.

“The Key”

The best part about the key? It locks our bedroom door...

our bed was designed and handcrafted by my husband

I love it.

Family Portraits

Aroma Therapy…

more family portraits

the night stand…

a simple canvas basket from the Dollar Store

a black leather stitched box lamp with canvas cover(snagged for 3 bucks at the second hand store)

simple candles for minimalist decor

And as you can well imagine…

I can hardly wait for post supper quiet time! =)

His card explains the key. If I would have had time I would have liked to have recruited the help of a friend (pssst… Chris) to print out fancy Black acrylic lettering of a romantic excerpt from S of S to affix on the wall above the headboard. Better to save that final touch for when the walls are done.

Enter my Beloved, into your garden and Enjoy its choicest fruits.

The Peasant Princess Project, Part VII

2010-02-18T20:23:00.001-06:00

Message IV from Mark’s series on The Peasant Princess transported us from the bliss and innocence of a honeymoon night, to the tragic end of a marriage where this beautiful girl became only the first of hundreds of women that Solomon loved. It talked about how his pride and sin tainted the marriage bed and the marital relationship and also exhorted married couples to strive to make the LAST day of marriage better than the first. It’s not about fairytale beginnings so much as it is about fairytale endings.

Now, entering into chapter 5, Mark brought to light the sins of the princess, and how that threw a wrench into the relationship very early on. The sin of selfishness.

“I hear my lover knocking. ‘Open to me, my darling…’ I have taken off my garment and don’t want to put it on again, I have washed my feet and don’t want to get them dirty again…” S of S 5:2-3Stepping Stone #31 Give Him The Key.. Note to Self. Most convicting message I have heard in I don’t know how long. If the points were golf balls they were hitting me smack in the middle of the forehead one after the other, after the other. I have had to take many days to ingest and digest this message. It literally knocked me off my feet and left me winded. I am a self centered creature, living in a self centered culture, in a self centered world. But the Word of God is sharper than any two edged sword, cutting through all the fatty deposits of my sin and selfishness, and I have watched with startled repulsion as the layers of my sin were pulled back and revealed to me in all their stark infamy.

Where do I start? I am guilty of so much that was brought to light for me in this passage. Here, in stark contrast to the woman who used to stand at the door, anticipating the arrival of her beloved, we have a woman who has locked the door and gone to bed. A woman who when her husband knocks at the door calls out; “I’m not dressed…. I don’t want to get my feet dirty….. I’m already sleeping….you should have come sooner…how could you be so thoughtless… what were you thinking?”

The sin of selfishness. “I’m tired. I don’t feel like it. I need. I want. I don’t want…” Scales fell from my eyes in this one and I stood staring at my own black heart and feeling sick to my stomach. I have controlled, I have manipulated, I have denied, I have failed my husband in this area of giving him the key to his garden. I have been the holder of the key. I have decided when the timing is right. I have been the one to resist, or relent, or reschedule as per *my* feelings.

But there is so much more than just the sexual aspect. The text says, “my sister, my friend, my lover.” Three aspects of relationship are outlined there. The bond of faith, the bond of friendship, and the bond of romance. Each one of those bonds begs a priority standing in the life of one spouse in relation to the other. Prayer and fellowship, times of bonding, times of intimacy. I must be making these things and my relationship with my spouse a #2 priority in my life, second only to my own walk with God.

How often do I give the best of me to others? To my kids, to my friends, to my own needs or desires, and my husband comes when I can fit him in around that? So wrong. I have not been honoring him in the way I should. I have allowed my priorities to get out of line and I have treated this garden of my inner life as my own sanctuary, rather than his.

I repented at length and asked forgiveness from my husband for my blindness in this regard. I am not sure where to even start in changing my actions, but acknowledgement is a start, and I trust that God will light the path and help me to walk in it for his glory.

I think my first step will be to find a hefty old skeleton key, enclose it in a little velvet case, and present it to my husband with the words of S of S 4:16

“Let my lover enter the garden and eat its best fruits.”

And in order for that to happen, I will need to make a priority of reserving the firstfruits of who I am and who I hope to be, for him. I know that if I do, we will both flourish.

image credit: monaelissa

Listen to this sermon : Week 5 of The Peasant Princess

Love Is The Gift.

2010-02-15T16:46:00.001-06:00

Valentines Day In Pictures.

sunlight on kittens

the poppet in a pink dress, seated at piano

little boys with sticky fingers

daughters in aprons

chewy molasses heart shaped cookies

Root Beer Floats

Hand crafted cards and “Let me count the ways…”

The toast and dancing, sweet romancing.

No money spent, only moments cherished

wanting to embrace fully the realization that LOVE is the gift. So thankful that He first loved us and that He showed us how to love. May our love abound, astound, and stand the tests of time by His grace.

With Love for Ballast

2010-02-12T10:03:00.001-06:00

"It is so beautiful to be loved as Laurie loves me. He isn't sentimental, doesn't say much about it, but I see and feel it in all he says and does, and it makes me so happy and so humble that I don't seem to be the same girl I was.

I never knew how good and generous and tender he was till now, for he lets me read his heart, and I find it full of noble impulses and hopes and purposes, and am so proud to know it's mine.

He says he feels as if he “could make a prosperous voyage now with me aboard as mate, and lots of love for ballast'. I pray he may, and try to be all he believes me, for I love my gallant captain...”

Amy, Good Wives… Louisa May Alcott

The Peasant Princess Project, Part VI

2010-02-11T08:50:00.001-06:00

Until the day dawns and the shadows disappear I will go to that mountain of myrrh and to that hill of incense. S of S 4:6 photo by javaraf

Stepping Stone #26 Burn the Midnight Oil. I know, I know, sleep is a precious commodity. But so is love. Nothing tells me he loves me more than when he is willing to sacrifice sleep to “listen” and “talk” to me. Something inside me tells me that sacrificing sleep for love is one of the greatest gifts I can give him.

My darling, everything about you is beautiful and there is nothing at all wrong with you. S of S 4:7 photo by zoostory

Stepping Stone #27 View Him as a Masterpiece. Planned, designed, hand crafted by God. Beautiful in every way, and without flaw. If you think you see a flaw, remember that it is your tainted worldview that has distorted your vision. A secular astigmatism if you will.

My sister, my bride, you are like a garden locked up, like a walled in spring, a closed up fountain. S of S 4:12 photo by stevekrh19

Stepping Stone #28 Be Chaste. From the cradle to the grave.. I didn’t used to have such strong opinions on this, but I do now. I was created to be a gift for my spouse. I’m not just talking virginity. Or maybe I am, but in a much more holistic sense of the word. Virgin lips, virgin flesh, virgin experiences of young love. Not just drawing the line at third base, but refusing to even take up the bat until the seventh inning. We’ve been duped into the dating game, and what we don’t see is that it makes it really hard to make our spouse our one standard of beauty when we allow room for comparison.

You are like a garden fountain- a well of fresh water flowing down from the mountains of Lebanon. S of S 4:15 photo by filax

Stepping Stone #29 Be Refreshing. Don’t be a constant dripping nag. Don’t drag him down in the undertow of your emotions or bombard him with stormy diatribes. Sparkle. Bubble. Chortle. Be a fount of blessing..

Awake north wind. Come,.south wind. Blow on my garden, and let its sweet smells flow out. Let my lover enter the garden and eat its best fruits. S of S 4:16 photo by gabriel77

Stepping Stone #30 Cultivate a Mood. It’s not your natural state of mind at this stage in life. But with a little concentrated thought, turning your thoughts and allowing the winds of romance to blow through the cobwebs of distraction, you’ll be surprised how quickly your mood can change.

The Peasant Princess Project; Mid Term Report

2010-02-10T09:58:00.001-06:00

In Which the Peasant Princess exchanges her sword for a tiara, is Rescued by Her Dragon Slayer and Does a Lot of Swooning. photo by ratzz

So, it’s been a week that I have been working on the Peasant Princess Project. I’ve been working real hard on all this, and things have been going smashingly well… for the most part. But it isn’t all stars and sunsets in our little kingdom, and to hammer that point home, I’m going to share a little personal account in the interest of full disclosure and “Becoming Real.”

On Wednesday of last week I had a mini meltdown when I needed my husband to be a hero for me and he looked at me, raised his eyebrows and acted like, “since when?” I’ve come to realize I’ve laid a lot of bad groundwork over the years and I think it’s a case of “You’ve paved this road, now walk on it.”

Here’s the thing. I’ve always been a sword wielding kind of girl. Had to become strong to overcome tough stuff and learned to roll up my sleeves and mostly plow through when the going gets tough (not always, I’ve had my moments of absolute breakdown, it’s like when I start to unravel I *really* unravel. Like, all the way. ) But for the most part my husband has come to expect strength and perseverance from me. That I’ll hold the fort down no matter what and keep it together and keep an even keel. He thinks I’m a real warrior princess. I’m pretty strong. But not as strong as he (and others) think I am. That’s because I put on a good show. Well, not really… I mean, I try really, really hard to be strong and I do a good job much of the time, but the truth is that I try so hard, expect so much of myself, that nobody realizes that I am really spreading myself thin, really struggling, really working to the point of blood, sweat and tears to keep that even keel. *I* don’t even realize. Until it all starts to unravel. So things came to a head this week and I learned something about myself and he learned something about me and things all of a sudden got a whole lot sweeter.

My husband got home at 5:30 on Wednesday. I had been consciously trying to prepare for his arrival with the whole “oasis” mentality, freshening myself up, tidying the house, getting the kids quiet and occupied so I could greet him sweetly at the door. It worked. We talked about our days, I told him everything was good (it was at that point, but it had been a pretty wearing day). I got a nice supper on the table for us and two little rugrats (the rest of the kids were at a birthday party), which we enjoyed and then headed out to our friends house for cake and ice cream.

So we get to our friends house and no sooner do I take a seat and my exhaustion hits me. I tend to shut down right after supper anyway, and this had been an extra busy day. We visited for awhile, ate cake and I tried to keep myself from yawning, that’s how tired I felt. 8:00 on the dot I went to my husband and told him, “I really need you to take me home. Now.” The thought of still having to get kids washed up and in bed was grating on me. I was that “done”. He was gracious, I was nervous, he could tell, and he did his best to help get the kids dressed up and out the door. All seemed well.

We arrive home and start the whole evening routine and he unwittingly stepped into quicksand territory. Poor guy, he didn’t even see it coming. He said that foul four word phrase that will get any woman’s hackles to to stand on edge. Especially when she is tired and irrational. “I don’t understand you.” Only he said, “I *really* don’t understand you.”

I stared at him with a blank expression for a moment and then said, “What? You don’t understand how I can be exhausted after spending the last 13 hours in the company of 7 children?”

He started back pedaling…pretty fast. “No, of course not, it’s not that. It’s just that when I came home you were all fine and happy and then wham… you’re done.”

More blank stares from me. “Uh-huh. That was me at 5:30, this is me at 8:30.”

“But how can things change so quickly?”

He got a lot of blank stares that night. “Quickly? Three hours in my world do not pass by quickly. At times they feel like an eternity when you are dealing with kids in their terrible twos, feisty fours, silly sixes, sassy sevens and teary tens.”

I’ll spare you the three hour dialogue that took place here (after a half hour of silence and tears) but what came out of it was sweet. What came out of it was a conscious realization on my part that while it is okay to try really hard to be all I want (and he wants) me to be, it is very, very important that my husband understands and appreciates how HARD life is for me. I am not doing anyone (especially myself) any favors by making this look easy.

Here’s the thing. I’ve too long put myself in the position of wanting to be my husband’s hero. Wanting to be everything, do everything, make everything wonderful for him. That’s all good and right and wonderful. To a degree. Not the hero part. I’m supposed to be his *helper*. The truth of the matter is that he is supposed to be my hero. And if I am so busy trying to be Xena the Warrior Princess… well, I really put myself out on a limb. And I leave him down there looking up.

So that night I cried, and said I was tired and I just wanted him to say, “I totally understand, Baby, just go and let me take care of everything.” period. And he said that he was happy to do that, he just hadn’t recognized my need, because I do not appear needy.

Ka-ching.. Light bulb moment. For both of us. I told him, “I am needy! Very needy!” and he smiled and said, “Okay, Princess. I’ll take care of you.”

Swoon.

The next day I got an instant message that read; “Tonight I will make sure you have a wonderful night, even if I have to slay a hundred dragons.”

Swoon.

On Sunday Prairie Guy had to go early to church and I came in time for Sunday School with the rest of the crew. He was watching at the window for my arrival and came running out to help me unload the kids and get them inside.

Swoon.

After service he asked me for my keys and went out to start my vehicle for me. (It was cold… very, very cold).

Swoon.

He’s been opening doors for me, taking children from my arms, physically removing me from tasks to complete them himself.

Swoon.

He lit candles in our bedroom before I came up (okay, okay, so it was to cover up a preceding malodorous emission of gas, but still… cover up is good!

Okay, so maybe that didn’t exactly make me swoon, all things considered, but it did make me smile.

Can you tell I am liking this whole hero reversal thing?

Yeah. I’m liking it alot. It’s making me feel like a real princess. And it’s making me feel pretty starry eyed about my dragon slayer. It’s all good.

The Peasant Princess Project, Part V

2010-02-09T12:25:00.001-06:00

“My Lover is mine and I am his.” S of S 2:16photo by kleomia

Stepping Stone #21 Die to Self. Note to self; Die. To. Self.

“At night on my bed, I looked for the one I love, I looked for him, but I could not find him.” S of S 3:1

photo by ljweb

Stepping Stone #22 Face Your Fears. Note to self, remember that you are God’s and he is God’s. Your home is God’s and your family is God’s. Therefore God is in control. He’s got you covered. Don’t let fear or worry of loss have any place in your heart. In Him we live and move and have our being, so live and move, and BE and trust.

“Who is this coming out of the desert like a cloud of smoke? Who is this that smells like myrrh, incense and other spices? Look, it’s Solomon’s chaise….” S of S 3:7 photo by PixelBoxD

Stepping Stone #23 Anticipate. Note to self; remember when you used to stand at the window, watching for him to come driving up the road? Lost in the moment and thoughts of him? When you used to not only stop what you were doing to meet him at the door, but that you couldn’t WAIT for him to reach the step? Anticipate his arrival. Be ready for it, be excited about it, and show him.

“He is wearing the crown his mother put on his head on his wedding day, when his heart was happy!” S of S 3:11 Photo by LaDeon

Stepping Stone #24 Be His Bride. Note to self; remember the look on his face when you started walking up that aisle toward him? How happy you both were? Try to recreate that happiness by acting like a bride, and treating him like your groom even now. Be his crown.

“How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, you are beautiful! Your eyes… your teeth… your lips… your cheeks… your neck… your breasts….” S of S 4:1-5 photo by atroszko

Stepping Stone #25 Admire His Physique. Out Loud. Note to self; really appreciated how Driscoll brought this passage down to earth for me. Basically what is going on here is he is admiring the shiny black cascade of her hair, her brilliant white teeth and ruby red lips, her rosy cheeks and her long and graceful neck. I got a special kick out of Driscoll’s comments on the breasts. Why on earth to compare them to twin fawns? Two furry little…. animals? Because if you were to see two little fawns there would be nothing you would want more than to nuzzle them. Oh dear, that one had me in stitches. Sheds a whole new light on the term “fawning over”… or “f(awn)dling now, doesn’t it? Tell him out loud all the many ways that he is pleasing to your eyes.

The Peasant Princess Project, Part IV

2010-02-07T20:49:00.001-06:00

“I hear my lover’s voice.” S of S 2:8

Stepping Stone #16. Listen. Note to self; his words may be few, so treasure them all the more. Learn to listen actively, responding with your eyes, ears and body language.

“Here he comes jumping across the mountains, skipping over the hills . My lover is like a gazelle or a young deer.” S of S 2:8-9

Stepping Stone #17 Treat Him Like a Superhero. Note to self; he can’t hear this enough. You can’t praise him enough. Say it proud and say it loud and say it often. You want a hero? Treat him like one.

“My lover spoke and said to me, ‘Get up my darling; let’s go away my beautiful one. Look, the winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Blossoms appear through all the land. The time has come to sing; the cooing of doves is heard in our land. There are young figs on the fig trees and the blossoms on the vine smell sweet. Get up my darling; let’s go away, my beautiful one.” S of S 2:10-13

Stepping Stone #18 Woo One Another. Note to self, you know what this looks like, it used to be a daily staple when you were courting. But then the sands of time and winds of familiarity wore away in the daily grind. Fan the flame. Pick up the pen, write a love letter, tuck a romantic quote or poem into his lunch, slip a sweet memento under his pillow. Create a playlist of meaningful or just downright enjoyable songs, plan a special dates and go on them. Get away together, alone and just enjoy each others presence.

“My beloved is like a dove hiding in the cracks of the rock, in the secret places of the cliff. Show me your face, and let me hear your voice. Your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.” S of S 2:14

Stepping Stone #19. Allow for Mystery. Note to self, you don’t always have to wear your heart on your sleeve. Let him wonder sometimes. Yeah, alright, go ahead and play a little hard to get. Let him pursue you.

‘Catch the foxes for us- the little foxes that ruin the vineyards while they are in blossom.” S of S 2:15

Stepping Stone #20 Take Inventory. Note to self; what unhealthy habits or relationships are keeping you from reaping a bountiful harvest of marital intimacy? Outside things that keep you running in opposite directions? Inside every day distractions that keep you glued to two separate interests? Think about it. Healthy things (church involvement, social commitments, activities and hobbies) can very quickly become foxes destroying our fields if we don’t keep a healthy balance.

The Peasant Princess Project, Part III

2010-02-05T07:43:00.001-06:00

“My lover is like a bunch of flowers from the vineyards at En Gedi.” S of S 1:14

Stepping Stone #11 Be His Oasis. Note to self; coming home… to me… to his home… to his family, should be like stepping out of the chaos of industry and into the oasis (that’s what En Gedi was) of HOME. Create an environment where he is met and blessed by peace, beauty, joy and love.

“My darling, you are beautiful! Oh, you are beautiful, and your eyes are like doves.” S of S 1:15

Stepping Stone #12. Cultivate Beauty. Note to self; I know, I know, sometimes his taste isn’t your taste, but the goal here is to be beautiful to him. If he likes your hair a certain way, do it that way, if he likes a certain item of clothing, wear it, if he doesn’t dig something, drop it. If there is something less than appealing about your “state”, get on it! Cultivating beauty takes time and effort and forethought. Don’t shrug and let yourself go because life is busy. Make an effort to live up to your beauty.

“Our bed is the grass. Cedar trees form our roof; our ceiling is made of juniper wood.” S of S 1:16-17

Stepping Stone #13 Spruce It Up. Note to self; ditch your comfort zone. Try something new. Be spontaneous, be adventurous, throw some spice into the cider pot and be warmed by the fresh new twist.

“I am a rose in the Plain of Sharon, a lily in the valleys.” “Among the young women, my darling is like a lily among thorns.” S of S 2:1-2

“Among the young men, my lover is like an apple tree in the woods. I enjoy sitting in his shadow; his fruit is sweet to my taste.” S of S 2:1-3

Stepping Stone #14 Put Him on a Pedestal. Note to self, love, love, love what Driscoll had to share on this subject. Your spouse is to be your standard of beauty. You are to have eyes for none other. What disregard we have for this beautiful truth in our day and age. Is your spouse tall? Then that is your standard of beauty. Short? Same goes. Chubby? Skinny? Skinny when you met, chubby now? Then, as Driscoll put it, your standard has changed. :) Your spouse is a gift, created by the great Giver of Gifts, you don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, you delight in the gift, and don’t desire a different model. (I know this concept is completely foreign in gift reception standards of today (appalling really), but I am an old fashioned girl… but that’s another story for another time. Or maybe it’s not. Yeah, on second thought…. never mind.)

“He brought me to the banquet room and his banner over me is love. Strengthen me with raisins, and refresh me with apples, because I am weak with love.” S of S 2:4

Stepping Stone #15. Eat, Drink and Be Merry. Note to self, remember the way to a man’s heart and all that? Go ahead, you’re good at this. Prepare or stock up on those most special delectable treats, and tantalize his taste buds while wooing his heart. Treat yourselves to breakfast in bed, take a special treat out to him in the fields. Make some specialty Latte’s and sip them on the porch together while the sun goes down.

The Peasant Princess Project, Part II

2010-02-04T08:08:00.001-06:00

“You are the most beautiful of women.” S of S 1:8

Stepping Stone #6. Receive His Praise. note to self; don’t be embarrassed by it, don’t squirm and get all self conscious. Soak it up. And most importantly, pour the praise back on him (not right then though, learn to receive).

“My darling, you are like a mare among the king’s stallions.” S of S 1:9

Stepping Stone #7. Prance. Note to self; you know how this works. The stud gets all studly and the mare does what? Blushes? Hides her eyes? Turns away? I don’t think so. The mare arches her neck, holds her head high, flashes her eyes and prances when her mate wears his hormones on his sleeve. Respond in like kind and let the sparks fly.

“Your cheeks are beautiful with ornaments, and your neck with jewels. I will make for you gold earrings with silver hooks.” S of S 1:10-11

Stepping Stone #8. Adorn Yourself. note to self, make a habit of applying some makeup, doing your hair and changing into something clean and pretty before he gets home from work. Put a special necklace on, not just on special occasions, but to show HIM that HE is special, and that you enjoy making yourself beautiful for his pleasure.

“The smell of my perfume spreads out to the king on his couch.” S of S 1:12

Stepping Stone #9. Pamper Him. note to self, this one hits close to home. I am not a pampering wife. I work my butt off, I make lots of sacrifices (as does he) and I don’t spend much time pampering myself (my bad) or being pampered by others and therefore where and how am I going to find the energy to pamper him? Sadly, we are both kind of work horses (pardon the pun) in this regard. We go, go, go, run, run, run, do, do, do all day long and then crash exhausted at the end of the day without an ounce of energy left to invest in pampering. Don’t leave it till the end of the day. Take him by the hand, lead him to the couch, get him comfortable, bring him his favorite drink and plate of yumminess, all of your attention (eliminate all distractions) and let him be refreshed.

“My lover is like a bag of myrrh that lies all night between my breasts.” S of S 1:13

Stepping Stone #10. Embrace Him. note to self; softness is good for something… What’s soft on the goose is pleasant to the gander. ‘Nuff said.

The Peasant Princess Project, Part I

2010-02-03T07:59:00.001-06:00

“Kiss me with the kisses of your mouth, because your love is better than wine.” S of S 1:2

Stepping Stone #1 Pucker Up. Note to self: I’m not talking pleasant pecks or six second smooches. How long does it take to enjoy a good glass of wine? Alrighty then… that’s more like it. Take joy in dental hygiene, slather on some savory lip gloss, take a mouthful of something deliciously palatable and KISS the man..

“The smell of your perfume is pleasant…” S of S 1:3a

Stepping Stone #2 Smell Good. Note to self: Become conscious of the fact that my husband coming home from work IS a special occasion. Having the kids all in bed and some time on the couch together is a VERY special occasion… spritz away!! Mhm.

“…and your name is pleasant like expensive perfume.” S of S 1:3

Stepping Stone #3. Call Him Names. Note to self; don’t throw his name around like a bus boy title, or with an air of frustration and/or desperation. Use it as a term of endearment and let it sound and taste sweet on your lips. And don’t forget to frequently exercise all those other pet names he likes.

“Take me with you; let’s run together.” S of S 1:4

Stepping Stone #4. Pursue Him. Note to self; it’s okay to be the aggressor here. Tell him for once that YOU only want to be with HIM. Give up something else to show him that you revel in HIS company. Be hungry for alone time and make memories running around or just lounging around together.

“ I’m dark but lovely. Don’t look at how dark I am, at how dark the sun has made me. My brothers were angry with me and made me tend the vineyards, so I haven’t tended my own vineyard!” S of S 1:3-6

Stepping Stone #5 Shine. Note to self; the Shulammite peasant girl was as self conscious and insecure of her societal flaws (let’s face it, that’s what they are, ingrained in us through a secular and humanistic worldview… mental flaws if you will!) as the next girl but she recognized and claimed her beauty and loveliness. Don’t let your self image be a stumbling block to your marriage. Embrace and nurture your beauty and take joy in presenting that beauty as a gift to your spouse. She wasn’t perfect, but she went from peasant to princess, and she knew how to shine.

Becoming Real

2010-02-02T14:13:00.001-06:00

I’m treading unchartered territory here. For the next two weeks I am going to take a few minutes each day to “set” my steppingstones on Prologue Path (if you will) as I navigate this excursion up Joyful Marriage Boulevard. I’m calling it the Peasant Princess Project, since most of the reflections are coming from a sermon series by that title.

I’m not necessarily sharing this for the express purpose of anyone else’s benefit, although with writing that tends to often be a byproduct. I do always keep half an eye cocked toward my blog as an investment of revelation for my children’s sake. If they ever lose me, they can come and discover my heart here. Ultimately, in this instance I suppose my primary motives, as always, are to be blessed in the process and to face up publicly to what I’m facing privately. I think it brings a weight and reality to things that otherwise can remain mental ideals and emotional aspirations that never find physical feet and wings. As Jenni would say…. it’s part of this process of “becoming real”. And as the Skin Horse so wisely said;

“Real isn’t how you are made. It’s a thing that happens to you.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “But when you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen to people who break easily, or who have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been rubbed off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

The Velveteen Rabbit.

I Take Joy…. In Marriage

2010-02-01T07:36:00.001-06:00

Why everybody liked him was what puzzled Jo, at first. He was neither rich nor great, young nor handsome, in no respect what is called fascinating, imposing, or brilliant, and yet he was as attractive as a genial fire, and people seemed to gather about him as naturally as about a warm hearth. He was poor, yet always appeared to be giving something away; a stranger, yet everyone was his friend; no longer young, but as happy-hearted as a boy; plain and peculiar, yet his face looked beautiful to many, and his oddities were freely forgiven for his sake.

Jo often watched him, trying to discover the charm, and at last decided that it was benevolence which worked the miracle. If he had any sorrow, `it sat with its head under its wing', and he turned only his sunny side to the world. There were lines upon his forehead, but Time seemed to have touched him gently, remembering how kind he was to others. The pleasant curves about his mouth were the memorials of many friendly words and cheery laughs, his eyes were never cold or hard, and his big hand had a warm, strong grasp that was more expressive than words.

His very clothes seemed to partake of the hospitable nature of the wearer. They looked as if they were at ease, and liked to make him comfortable. His capacious waistcoat was suggestive of a large heart underneath. His rusty coat had a social air, and the baggy pockets plainly proved that little hands often went in empty and came out full. His very boots were benevolent, and his collars never stiff and raspy like other people's.

"That's it!" said Jo to herself, when she at length discovered that genuine good will toward one's fellow men could beautify and dignify even a stout German teacher, who shoveled in his dinner, darned his own socks, and was burdened with the name of Bhaer.

“Good Wives” Louisa May Alcott.

My word for 2010 is joy. My mandate, to take joy in all the facets and twists and turns and curves and corners and plains of this existence called my life. Ever since the dawn of the New Year, possibly in anticipation of Valentines Day, I have been in a state of contemplation about this mystery called marriage. This covenant of commitment, this relationship of romance. I have been seeking to understand and nurture this miracle of love and I have been delighted and blessed through the process. I have been reading Good Wives with the girls (so endearing), I’ve been listening to a sermon series on the Song of Solomon (so enlightening!), re-reading a series of romance building books (so inspiring) that we received as a wedding gift, and talk, talk, talking with my husband (so heart warming) about taking our marriage higher and deeper. I have not been disappointed.

There are many little things that God has been teaching me about love and I am enjoying the lesson. I have always been attracted to my husband (obviously) and I find so many things about him wonderful and mysterious and beautiful (in the most masculine sense of the word of course) but let’s face it. After fourteen years of marriage, things can get familiar and “comfortable” and the raging fire that once flushed your face and set your flesh to burning can become more of a comfortable , steady heat radiating faithfully from a bed of embers.

I’ve been stoking the fire. Awakening my senses once again to this miraculous gift of romance and covenantal love. Staring at my husband the way I once did, and allowing myself to marvel in all the beauty and wonder that is HIM. Like Jo, in the excerpt above, I’m taking more time to admire him, delight in him, revel in the gift of him. And blossoming in the process.

“The fig tree ripens its figs and the vines are in blossom; they send forth fragrance. Arise my love, my beautiful one, and come away with me.” Song of Songs 2:13

Beautiful...

2010-01-29T05:51:00.002-06:00

How I come to merit such a sweet gesture from two dear friends is beyond me as I seem to have fallen off the blogging bandwagon during this current season of life, but maybe this is just the incentive I needed to get my butt back on here and share a little something with y'all. It's not that I've lost the desire to write, or that I don't miss the beauty of connecting, just that I am seeking to keep my eyes in tune with the beauty around me in real time, and real life. This place will remain a haven for me to slip away to when nothing else beckons and as the Spirit leads.

Thank you Berry Girl and Chris, for the gesture of affection. I love you girls.

I am to list seven things about me and pass it along. I find the seven things about me really hard... I mean, there are seven million things about me to be found in any one of the many entries in this little cyber place of mine, but I guess I can come up with seven more. I think in honor of the "Beautiful" Blogger Award I will choose seven things that I find beautiful in my everyday existence.

One. Silence. Surreal moments like this one where I sit alone, in a gently lit room, with only the hum of appliances and the knowledge that the people I love are lying still and quiet and warm in their beds. Nearby, but not in my face.

Two. Chaos. Seven people around an oval table, laughing, talking, making animal noises, banging utensils, yes, even crying. How sad it would be to eat alone.

Three. Order. A place for everything and everything in its place. When this is accomplished, I feel I can breathe, relax... enjoy my home and family to the utmost.

Four. Cleanliness. Seeing light spill across a freshly mopped floor. Knowing my laundry is all clean and put away. Walking into a room that is CLEAN and orderly. Then sings my soul.

Five. Friendship. A phone call from a friend "just because". Believe it or not I don't get many. Not that I'm complaining, because I don't make many. I know that it is part of this season of life, but feeling warm and loved and "thought about" is a gift I want to give to my friends as well.

Six. Renewal. Impromptu invitations to do something out of the ordinary. At this point in my life it seems to be a pretty predictable "day in, day out" grind where I have my hand to the mill and turn, turn, turn.... and I like the steady pace and the familiar gait, but the odd invitation to escape and let my hair down are precious and lovely.

Seven. Community. Sitting in a padded pew with six other squirming bodies (my husband is as bad as the kids) surrounded by one hundred other breathing souls who live and love and worship as family not just within those four walls on Sunday morning, but out here, all week long, on these wide open grasslands under this glorious prairie sky. God is good.

And seven people and places that I find beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, from the inside out....

Miss Jen at Blessed Femina
Jennifer at Getting Down with Jesus
Ann at A Holy Experience.
Emily at Imperfect Prose
Aimee at Living, Loving and Learning Simply
Heidi at Mt. Hope Chronicles
Andrea at The Flourishing Mother

Someday…

2010-01-16T12:17:00.001-06:00

"... but someday I will wake

in a body that won't break

on ground that won't shake

not here.

and someday I will live

in a house that's built by hands

that hold the world. "

Alli Rogers, Tanzania.

Coat of Arms

2010-01-12T14:54:00.000-06:00

Today we were studying the Coat of Arms of Canada. I learned alot. I sometimes wonder what I actually LEARNED in school, even though I was an avid student. To borrow the words of a very endearing author, "What DO they teach in those schools?" *grin*.

After studying the Canadian Coat of Arms in detail I gave my daughter the assignment of making a coat of arms for our family and told her that if she could come up with the motto and maxim, I would help her translate it into Latin. I urged her to think of the things that define us and when she brought me her Coat of Arms I bawled like a baby. I have tears springing to my eyes again as I just try to type this.

She gets it. She really gets it. And I am not talking about the Coat of Arms. I'm talking about who we are. Where we come from. Where we're going. What we stand for.

The cross of course is the emblem of our identity. We live through Christ. The Living Word is our firm foundation. The quiver of arrows is our family, with seven arrows, for seven identities. The earth (bottom half) and sun (top half) that encircle the cross show that we live on earth, but are destined for heaven and as such are called to be a light on earth. The Italian and Canadian flags on the arms of the cross show our family's national heritage. I told her she could pick a motto and also some individual words that she thought should/would define our family. She picked "In Christ we Trust" as our motto and the words faith, hope, love and joy.

A+ from this Momma. I couldn't be more impressed or moved.

In Light of Eternity

2010-01-11T10:38:00.005-06:00

a note in my inbox from the director of our former mission agency.

A few years ago, a friend observed a family who had been called to leave the UK to serve God literally on the other side of`the world. There were still a few months left before they were to leave, but now they knew that where they were living was not permanent and all their choices were made with that in mind. As they considered buying items, the questions they were asking were, "Can we take this with us? If we buy this, is it going to be wasted?"

Our permanent home is actually right now being prepared for us but to what degree are we living and ministering as though this is our permanent dwelling? How many of our decisions are made only with this age in mind rather than the eternal age?

George Müller wrote,

"There was a day when I died to George Müller, his opinions and preferences, taste and will, died to the world, its approval or censure, died to the approval or blame even of brother or friends, and since then I've striven only to show myself approved unto God."

There is a man who knew what it was to live for God and in light of eternity.

Peter Maiden, Operation Mobilisation

“There are many rooms in my Father’s house, I would not tell you this if it were not true. I am going there to prepare a place for you. After I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me so that you may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” John 14:2,3

ps. from me… the way to the place where he was going. death. I think there is the seed of a secondary spiritual lesson in there…. this life is a training ground for eternity, and as such, we must die daily to the desires of self in order to live by the will of the Spirit.

photo credit, anissat.

Cranberry Wassail

2010-01-03T15:57:00.000-06:00

I can’t think of a nicer way to spend a wintery Sunday afternoon than alone, in my cozy house with the Weepies playing, cookies coming in and out of the oven, a peppermint bark jar candle permeating aromatic comfort through my home and hot drinks simmering on the stove.

This drink has become a new Christmas favorite in our home. Enjoy!

6 cups cranberry juice (or cocktail)

2 cups unsweetened apple juice

4 cups pineapple juice

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup white sugar

1 teaspoon cloves

Mix. Simmer. Serve.

Now… I’m off to enjoy a cuppa and cookie before the family gets home!

I Choose Joy

2009-12-31T17:55:00.001-06:00

I am so excited about this new year. So blessed and happy as I reflect on this past year. What a blessed Christmas time we spent, and what a great end to my year of “Peace”. It truly was the epitome of peaceful and more reflective and meaningful than ever.

We took almost the entire season of Advent off of school to truly rest and revel in the season. Baking, decorating, making Christmas cards from scratch, celebrating with advent verses and ornaments and Christmas songs each day. Sleeping in, playing games, watching movies…. ah… familial bliss.

On Christmas Eve we had our traditional Christmas Dinner followed by a Candlelit Carol service at our church which was intimate and beautiful, back home through the snowy fields to cut the scrumptious Black Cherry Toblerone Chocolate Cake we had prepared for Jesus Birthday Cake, along with Hot Cranberry Wassail… mmm (will get these recipes up over at the Pantry soon). We then let the kids open their stockings (very untraditional I know, but since Santa doesn’t enter into the occasion in this house, that’s just how we do things) and the family game (Ticket to Ride) which we proceeded to play.

Christmas Day was relaxing and wonderful, we slept in, had a leisurely breakfast and calmly proceeded to open ONE gift per child per hour. What a great idea this proved to be, it really brought peace and pleasure to the whole gift opening process, which I usually find to be a very busy, loud, messy and rather riotous time that leaves me feeling dazed and shell shocked when it’s all over.

We are still in the process of simplifying the commercial aspect of Christmas, and trying to find our personal groove. This year we chose to go with the four point idea of buying each child “something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read.” It gave us something to work with, but I’m not sure it’s THE fit for us or that we won’t try something else next year. We’ll see. I’m thinking of letting the kids pick names, and buy for each other and then one special gift for each child from the parents, plus their Christmas tree ornament, plus one book, movie, or cd each.

Prairie Guy and I agreed not to buy gifts for each other at all this year, which was a good thing. We are the kind of people who when we need/want/find something, we love to buy it for each other and we do. Year round. Since he had just bought me a treadmill at the end of October, plus all new appliances at the end of the summer (dishwasher just got hooked up a few days ago though!) well…. it was an extravagant year in the spending department. I have a few fun gifts in mind for him for his birthday but we decided to keep Christmas spending free, and it was a relief. It was beautiful to just revel in each other’s presence.

My extended family decided to pool money to give to a project of our choosing. We decided on the World Vision 12 months of giving program where you give one yearly amount but each month a specific project takes place where a village receives, animals, clinic supplies, fruit trees, school supplies or something of the sort. I am very excited about this pick because it will mean that each month we can look at the project, pray for that village and the gift will keep living in us throughout the year.

Now, out with the old and in with the new. As I said, I am very excited about 2010. I started “listening” for my word back in the start of December and it came to me mid month when we were making our Christmas Cards. We stamped the word JOY on a distressed piece of cardstock in rich burgundy ink. As I looked at a completed card that one of my daughters handed to me I just smiled. Yes. That’s my word. Then, wouldn’t you know that in the sermon that Sunday our pastor must have used the word “joy” about 100 times. Exhorting us to take joy in the Giver of Life and the life and goodness He bestows.

Joy. I’m ready. Joy in waking, joy in baking, joy in cleaning, joy in gleaning, joy in growing, joy in sowing, joy in jogging, joy in blogging, joy in reading, joy in leading, joy as lover, joy as mother, joy in playing, joy in praying. Wishing you all God’s Joy for 2010.

“You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.” Acts 2:28

Joy blocks available for purchase here.

Sunday, Bless-ed Sunday

2009-12-21T11:39:00.006-06:00

I humbly confess my attitude towards Sunday morning (the part prior to church, I mean) is usually more in line with the title of a U2 song that substitutes a red expletive for the word “bless-ed”. This disturbs me.

"I want my boys to love Sunday, to find it a peaceful, pleasant day, when they can rest from common study and play, yet enjoy quiet pleasures, and learn, in simple ways, lessons more important than any taught in school.
Do you understand me?" she asked, watching Nat's attentive face.
"You mean to be good?" he said, after hesitating a minute.
"Yes; to be good, and to love to be good."
Louisa May Alcott, Little Men.

I am touched and inspired and challenged anew by so much in these beloved books now that I read them to my own children, as a woman. A wife. A mother. It stirs up great desire in me to be lovely and loving. To stop getting annoyed by the little arrows with bitter tips that lodge themselves annoyingly into the cracks and crevasses of my best intentions.

I had just read this the other day and it invoked one of those sentimental “my heart is welling up with warm thoughts” moments. Oh the day dreaming I did. I planned to awake Sunday morning with the sweetest intentions to make it special. Fresh cinnamon buns for breakfast, everything orderly, cheerful, romantic, blessed. Rather we were rudely awakened by the boys hard at play in the room next to ours, climbing the walls like monkeys and roaring like lions. Two weeks it has been that we call to the boys to “keep it quiet” and be respectful to others upon waking. Two weeks, every morning, the same chaos greets us from the room next door.

That got me out on the wrong side of the bed right there, and it went from bad to worse. I went in to get the boys dressed, opened their sock drawer to find approximately six stray dirty socks (none of them matching) thrown haphazardly into the mix. Something again, which I had harped on over and over in recent weeks. Stray socks go in the laundry not back in the drawer. I could go on. And on. But I won’t. You get the point.

It was not the best of mornings, but it was also not the worst of mornings. I caught myself, and I tried. I really tried. And I will continue to try. Because I really do want my kids to have sweet memories of this sweet Lord’s day, this Sabbath rest, this elusive Sunday, bless-ed Sunday.

Let Every Heart Prepare Him Room.

2009-12-16T09:58:00.003-06:00

photo credit

"As Josiah became king at age 8, he followed in his ancestor David's footsteps and obeyed God. One of the first steps he took was to remove all idols in the kingdom.”

Faithful Christians love and obey God and should remove idols from their own lives.
It was the apostle John's final warning to his readers. "Little children, guard yourselves from idols. (1 John 5:21) "Watch out," says John. "Be on guard against anything that might occupy the place in your heart that should be reserved for God."
John never qualified that warning. the aged apostle deliberately refrained from classifying the idols or giving us a comprehensive list to follow. It's an unconditional command. ANY idol, regardless of its beauty or usefulness or original purpose, is to be set aside so that Christ might reign supreme, without a single competitor.
I don't have many temptations to worship evil things. It's the good things that plague me. It isn't as difficult for me to reject something that is innately bad or wrong as it is to keep those good and wholesome things off the throne. That, I believe is where the battle line begins.
Honestly now, can you testify to the fact that you've destroyed the idols? That Christ reigns without rival? Or would you have to admit to a personal shrine in your inner temple where you privately burn incense?...
Your Lord and Savior wants to occupy first place. Matthew 6:33 says that when He has it, everything else will be added to you.
How long HAS it been since you've enlisted your Lord’s help in a private, personal, temple-cleansing session? It's so easy to get attracted to idols- good things, inappropriately adorned. But when you have Jesus in the center of the room, everything else only junks up the decor."

From Come Before Winter by Charles Swindoll.

This devotional hit me dead on this morning. It is a culmination of many little words that God has given to me in the past year. In past months God has been showing me that my hunger for fellowship, which in and of itself would be classified as a "good thing", has been something that has consumed me to such a point that I looked at it through a skewed lens, and applied myself heartily to the wrong ends. This place, Facebook, blog hopping, etc.... all things that can be healthy and wholesome and GOOD, had become things that were being used to fill a space in me that HE desired to fill. As Swindoll said so shockingly and convictingly, they had become a shrine at which I regularly burned incense. They weren't being "added" to me. They were fundamental. They were the place I went to get my "fix" and feel uplifted and encouraged and connected.

I recognize that God wants me to feel uplifted and encouraged and connected and at times we really do need that net of fellowship to fall back into, and He has designed it to be just so. But HE wants ME to run to HIM. And if I make the computer the place I run to, I'm missing out on the blessings and grace that only HE can bestow on me. So if you notice that I am a little quieter, a little less present, a little less regular to drop in for a virtual visit, you will know why, and I believe you will understand.

Hide and Seek.

2009-12-09T23:42:00.001-06:00

photo credit

"God wanted them to look for Him and perhaps search all around for Him and find Him, though He is not far from any of us." v27

These words have been tugging at my heartstrings for weeks. I’ve been trying to get a vision of what this is saying. It's not that God is capriciously "hiding himself" from us , or "playing" with us in a saucy manner, pulling stubbornly away when we are trying to find Him.

I think what it boils down to is that God wants us to want Him. He doesn't want to be the one chasing us all the time. He wants US to pursue Him. To want to catch Him so much that we are willing to set all else aside in pursuit of His presence.

And when we pick ourselves up, start really looking for Him, and then RUN towards Him, full of anticipation and enthusiasm, like a child rushing to greet their Daddy at the door, He doesn't turn and run.... He opens His arms and swings us up into the air and laughs with delight.

He wants to be wanted. He wants us to desire Him and delight in Him. Why are we so bad at loving Him? Why are we so dull and distracted? I'm floored today by this image. I will run. Run to the door. Run to the road. Run however far I need to run to be with Him. I know He'll meet me there.

Do Plants Eat Meat?

2009-12-09T11:16:00.000-06:00

photo credit

Okay, we've all heard of the Venus flytrap... but how 'bout the Rajah Pitcher Plant? Seriously folks, this plant eats. meat. And I'm not talkin' flies. Take your guess, a)grasshoppers, b) mice, c) squirrels.

Seriously.

Over the Top

2009-12-08T23:13:00.002-06:00

Deb, at He Gave Me A Dream tagged me with this fun award. If I had to pick I’d rather be over the top than scraping rock bottom *wink*.

The rules for accepting this award are to copy and change the answers below to suit you and pass it on. Answers can only be one word! Pass the award to a deserving blogger and alert them they have been awarded.

Here are my answers to these questions:
1. Where is your cell phone? charging
2. Your hair? chestnut
3. Your mother? funny
4. Your father? wise
5. Your favorite food? oh…..
6. Your dream last night? bizarre
7. Your favorite drink? coffee
8. Your dream/goal? heaven
9. What room are you in? dining
10. Your hobby? literature
11. Your fear? Loss
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? here
13. Where were you last night? home
14. Something you aren’t? rich
15. Muffins? bacon
16. Wish list item? closets
17. Where did you grow up? britishcolumbia :P
18. Last thing you did? baked
19. What are you wearing? pyjamas
20. Your TV? off
21. Your pets? shivering
22. Your friends? rock
23. Your life? sweet
24. Your mood? bliss
25. Missing someone? no
26. Vehicle? guzzler
27. Something you’re not wearing? watch
28. Your favorite store? Pier One
29. Your favorite color? brown
30. When was the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? yesterday
32. Your best friend? God
33. One place that you go over and over? Costco
34. One person who emails you regularly? Laura
35. Favorite place to eat? out.

I am passing this award on to my crazy and beautiful friend, Chris. Sorry folks, her blog is private but trust me when I say she TRULY merits this reward. I am also awarding it to Outdoor Mom at Yak Adventures, and to her entire family by proxy. Again, utterly merited and last but not least to Berry Girl, whose regular dose of dry humor makes her my favorite comedienne in the whole wide world (okay, okay, at least my little corner of it).

Learning Is Lovely

2009-12-04T15:00:00.000-06:00

“…Grandpa March cultivated the little mind with the
tender wisdom of a modern Pythagoras, not tasking it with long, hard lessons, parrot-learned, but helping it to unfold as naturally and beautifully as sun and dew help roses bloom.”

“Boys at other schools probably learned more from books, but less of that better wisdom which makes good men. Latin, Greek, and mathematics were all very well, but in Professor Bhaer's opinion, self knowledge, self-help, and self-control were more important, and he tried to teach them carefully.”

Jo’s Boys, Life at Plumfield.

We read these quotes the other night and my heart just warmed within me. They were brought to mind again today as my daughter quietly looked over her science pages for the day. How dry facts and dates and monotonous explanations of how things work can be. How extraordinary and delightful the journey of discovery where a child can find the study of atoms and molecules not dry and boring, but fascinating! The motto of our curriculum is; “The way you wish you’d been taught. Guaranteed.” Oh, how it’s proven true time and time again.

My daughter makes a knowing exclamation as she reads about how atoms are made up of 2 hydrogen atoms and 1 oxygen atom. At no time is the word H20 referenced. She looks up with her eyes shining and says; “I think I know why water is called H20.”

“Oh?” I say.

“Yes. The H stands for hydrogen, the 2 stands for 2 Hydrogen atoms and the O stands for 1 oxygen atom.”

“That’s exactly right.” I smile.

No one had to tell her bare facts, she deduced it herself with a brain that has been taught to unveil facts and truths by observation and discovery.

And for the record, my eyes lit up with their own wonderful discovery as I read over her lesson as well. Did you know that the number of atoms within ONE grain of sand is comparable to the grains of sand on an entire beach?

Parenting Is Your Highest Calling.

2009-12-02T09:03:00.004-06:00

Or is it? Sounds good doesn't it? Think about it carefully. Prepare yourself to get schmucked upside the head, in a really good way and read THIS book. I could say so much. I have wanted to say so much as I have read and re-read this book. I have wanted to do a chapter by chapter light bulb moment play by play, but in wanting to share so much I have held off sharing at all because I didn't have time to put into words all the great insights I have been pondering via Leslie's message.

A few thoughts to tickle your tastebuds.

Parenting is not our greatest calling. Living lives that glorify God and love Him above all is.

Think about this. God calls Himself Father, to Israel, and to the Church. He has faced disappointment, rejection, frustration, sorrow, you name it, as His children rebelled, tested, and ignored His counsel. Can we expect perfection in our own parenting tecqniques when God Himself shows us that parenting is only ONE side of the equation?

These are only summary thoughts from the first TWO chapters. The book is FULL of practical, freeing, inspiring truths that will help you gain clear insight into what parenting is all about, and what it isn't. I can't recommend it highly enough.

Thank you, Leslie, for the gift of your book, and for the gift of your words that serve to build up, encourage and equip us as Christian parents.

The Good Book

2009-11-30T23:24:00.000-06:00

'Tis the good reader that makes the good book;

in every book he finds passages

which seem confidences

or asides

hidden from all else

and unmistakably meant for his ear;

the profit of books

is according to the sensibility of the reader;

the profoundest thought or passion

sleeps as in a mine,

until it is discovered by an equal mind and heart.

...ralph waldo emerson

Natural Frequency

2009-11-27T15:53:00.000-06:00

Fascinating. Did you know that if you hold down the sustain pedal on a piano and sing a note, the piano string of that note will "play" off the vibrations of your voice?

If you can sing very loudly at the natural frequency of a glass (the sound it makes when it is tapped or caused to vibrate) you can cause the glass to shatter, we have seen this alluded to, but did you know, that in 1940 the Tacoma Bridge in the USA collapsed because the wind made it vibrate at its natural tendency? Soldiers do not march in step across bridges, in case their footsteps make the bridge vibrate at it's natural frequency.

This immediately brought Jericho to mind!!! Wild stuff.

Psalm 65

2009-11-26T11:37:00.001-06:00

People everywhere on the earth and beyond the sea trust in You

You made the mountains by Your strength, You are dressed in power.

You stopped the roaring seas, the roaring waves, and the uproar of the nations,

Even those people at the ends of the earth fear your miracles,

You are praised from where the sun rises to where it sets.

You take care of the land and water it;

You make it very fertile.

The rivers of God are full of water.

Grain grows because You make it grow.

You send rain to the plowed fields; you fill the rows with water

You soften the ground with rain, and then You bless it with crops.

You give the year a good harvest

and you load the wagons with many crops

The desert is covered with grass and the hills with happiness.

The pastures are full of flocks

and the valleys are covered with grain.

Everything shouts and sings for joy.

all photos in the public domain

Sweet Adversity

2009-11-23T10:50:00.002-06:00

Wealth is certainly a most desirable thing,

but poverty has its sunny side,

and one of the sweet uses of adversity

is the genuine satisfaction which comes

from hearty work of head or hand,

and to the inspiration of necessity,

we owe half the wise,

beautiful,

and useful blessings of the world.

Louisa May Alcott.

Hungry?

2009-11-18T08:23:00.002-06:00

The greatest enemy of hunger for God is not poison but apple pie. It is not the banquet of the wicked that dulls our appetite for heaven, but endless nibbling at the table of the world. It is not the X-rated video, but the prime-time dribble of triviality we drink in every night. For all the ill that Satan can do, when God describes what keeps us from the banquet table of his love, it is a piece of land, a yoke of oxen, and a wife (Luke 14:18-20). ….the most deadly appetites are not for the poison of evil, but for the simple pleasures of earth.”

John Piper

It bears repeating. I am too easily fattened and dulled by the perpetual parade of apple pie this world has to offer. No wonder I have little hunger for my daily bread. Maybe if I weaned myself of the sweet and oh so smooth confections that tickle my taste buds and pad my hips without fortifying my soul… maybe if I stopped drinking so deeply from the fountain of frivolity… maybe then the hunger would grow. The kind of hunger that settles for nothing less than my Daily Bread (Mat 6:11), the Pure Milk (1 Pet 2:2), the Heartiest Meat (1 Cor 3:2), and springs of Living Water (John 4:14).

From Leftovers to Crumbs

2009-11-16T09:55:00.002-06:00

I have been listening and re-listening to Bebo Norman’s “My Only Hope” paired with thoughts of this poem by Wilbur Rees.

“I would like to buy $3 worth of God, please.
Not enough to explode my soul or disturb my sleep,
but just enough to equal a warm cup of milk
or a snooze in the sunshine.
I don't want enough of God to make me love a homeless man
or pick beets with a migrant.
I want ecstasy, not transformation.
I want the warmth of the womb not a new birth.
I want a pound of the Eternal in a paper sack
I would like to buy $3 worth of God please”

Wilbur Rees

Bebo sings;

“I want a crumb, but you are a feast
I want a song, but you are a symphony
I want a star, but you are a galaxy
And I have resolved that I'm much better off
In what you have for me.”

If I don’t want to offer leftovers to God, how much less do I want to be blessed with only $3.00 worth of His grace and blessing and goodness (and I’m not talking just in pleasant circumstances, here). No. No leftovers on my part. No satisfaction in crumbs. I will feast on Him today.

I want to run, it's my nature to run
And I want to fight, it's my nature to fight
And I want to live, but you tell me to die
I have resolved that I'm much better off
In your hands than mine

I'm begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to take my life from me

I want a crumb, but you are a feast
I want a song, but you are a symphony
I want a star, but you are a galaxy
And I have resolved that I'm much better off
In what you have for me

I'm begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to hold on tight
Begging you to take my life from me

So tell me you won't let go
Tell me you won't let go
Cause you are the only hope for me

Take my life from me, It's the only hope for me
Take my life from me, It's the only hope for me

And I'll never want for more
I'll never want for more

Pumpkin Torte

2009-11-12T10:47:00.000-06:00

CRUST:
1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1/3 cup sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/3 cup (5 tablespoons) butter - melted

CREAM CHEESE FILLING:
12 ounces cream cheese - softened
1 cup sugar
3 eggs

PUMPKIN FILLING:
15 ounces pumpkin puree
3 eggs - separated
3/4 cup sugar - divided
1/2 cup milk
2 tablespoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 envelope of unflavored gelatin
1/4 cup cold water

whipped topping

CRUST:
In a medium bowl, mix the crumbs, sugar and cinnamon together. Stir in melted butter until all is moistened. Press into an ungreased 13x9 baking dish.

CREAM CHEESE FILLING:
In a large mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese until smooth. Beat in 1 cup of sugar and eggs until fluffy. Pour over the crust and bake at 350° for 20 minutes or until set. Cool.

PUMPKIN PIE FILLING:
In a large saucepan, combine the pumpkin, egg yolks, 1/2 cup of sugar, milk, cinnamon and salt. Cook and stir over low heat 10-12 minutes or until mixture thickens. Remove from heat. In a small saucepan, sprinkle gelatin over cold water, let stand for 1 minute. Over low heat, stir the gelatin until it is dissolved completely. Stir in the pumpkin mixture, allow to cool.

Beat the egg whites, with the remaining 1/4 cup of sugar until it gets thick and glossy. Fold into pumpkin mixture. Pour pumpkin mixture over the cream cheese layer. Chill for at least 4 hours or until completely set. (Can be frozen, allow to sit at room temperature for 1 hour before serving).

Garnish with whipped cream topping, sprinkle with nutmeg if desired.

Remembrance

2009-11-11T14:17:00.000-06:00

Conveniently just wrapping up World War II studies today, on this day of Remembrance. My heart was just wrung reading about the horrors of post world war demographics. One thing that hit me especially hard was this;

"The most immediate problem was what to do with the millions of people the war had uprooted. In Germany, there were five and a half million Soviet citizens who needed to be sent home. Among them were soldiers who had fought for the Nazis and faced certain execution at home. But, with a cruel logic, the Soviet authorities decided that many of the others, who had survived captivity as prisoners of war and slave workers, were traitors too. So they returned home to long prison sentences."

So sad. So sobering. So heart rending.

In closing, a trivia question. During World War II Russia suffered 25 million military and civilian deaths. What percentage of Soviet men, aged 19-23 survived the war? 3%. 6%. 9% or 12%?

Firstfruits

2009-11-10T08:46:00.002-06:00

I am reminded once again, “Be faithful, believing that this moment, this task of being the keeper of this home and tender of these hearts is my calling and is my form (a form, not solely) of temporary worship.” Am I choosing to magnify Him in the moment? Am I choosing to center myself on this task/ministry/calling and see it as opportunity for me to display my faithful heart or am I treating this task as a distraction? Am I giving Him and my charges the “firstfruits” or are they getting the stale, dry, sparse, bruised and battered leftovers of my devotion?

“We don’t like thoughtless love, food, passion or friendship…we like true love, wholesome food, pure passion and friendship that puts the other first…
What does our Lord and Master want from us…nothing less….”

Wow. I love (hate!) the visual image of “leftovers”. I do NOT want to offer leftovers to God. Despite my not wanting to, I wonder how often I do and am shamed and sorrowed to say that it is often. The wording in Sarah’s “Leftovers” post just made me feel like scales dropped from my eyes. I will be thinking and evaluating the plate of praise that I serve Him today, in my relationship with Him, and with those He has placed in my path to love and serve… that it won’t be cluttered by take out and leftovers, but that it will be a double portion, hand mixed and served up with the firstfruits of all my devotion.

And So I Write...

2009-11-04T09:23:00.006-06:00

“Writing can be a true spiritual discipline.
Writing can help us to concentrate,
to get in touch with the deeper stirrings of our hearts,
to clarify our minds,
to process confusing emotions,
to reflect on our experiences,
to give artistic expression to what we are living,
and to store significant events in our memories.
Writing can also be good for others
who might read what we write.
Quite often a difficult,
painful,
or frustrating day
can be redeemed by writing about it.
By writing we can claim what we have lived
and thus integrate it more fully into our journeys.
Then writing can become lifesaving for us
and sometimes for others too.”

I love writing for the reasons mentioned so eloquently by Nouwen above.

"Writing is not just jotting down ideas.
Often we say: "I don't know what to write.
I have no thoughts worth writing down."
But much good writing emerges from the process of writing itself.
As we simply sit down in front of a sheet of paper
and start to express in words what is on our minds
or in our hearts,
new ideas emerge,
ideas that can surprise us and lead us to inner places we hardly knew were there.
One of the most satisfying aspects of writing
is that it can open in us deep wells of hidden treasures
that are beautiful for us as well as for others to see.”

Some time ago, Sarah dropped by and left me a treasure of a gift in the comment box. It was a quote of something I had written in response to a post of hers back in 2008. The beauty of the gift was that as I read the words, they spoke to me. I had penned them, but they were offered back to me and not recognizing them as my own, they moved me deeply. This is one of the things that I most love about writing, that as I sit and sort through my thoughts and seek to connect things and express them, something beautiful emerges that is not so much the production of a girl with a knack for words as it is the product of a work being written in my life by the Master Scribe. It never ceases to stir me. And so I write, and am continually enriched in the process.

Hello Mayberry

2009-10-30T10:44:00.001-06:00

Life is funny. I’ve been a lot of places, met a lot of amazing people, seen a lot of really cool stuff, had a chance to be part of some brilliant work places. Now here I am, livin’ the simple, quiet life (figuratively speaking of course as most of the time it’s anything but quiet around here).

Our home in Italy was reminiscent of any Tuscan villa you would see in any movie with a Florentine setting, with sweeping vistas of sunflower fields, olive groves and vineyards falling and rising in all directions. Yet these fields that surround me here have just as much intrigue and beauty as any Tuscan landscape. And so much more.

Whenever people hear about where we’ve come from, and where we live now, they inevitably gasp and ask, “What brought you HERE?” And I just smile, and get all sentimental inside, and a favorite song starts drumming away in my head.

I don’t have to “miss” Mayberry. Cause I live there. And I literally live on that old dirt road that isn’t listed on the map. *grin*. And I’m lovin’ it.

Mayberry - Rascal Flatts

“Sometimes it feels like this world is spinning faster
Than it did in the old days
So naturally, we have more natural disasters
From the strain of a fast pace

Sunday was a day of rest
Now, it’s one more day for progress
And we can’t slow down ‘cause more is best
It’s all an endless process

I miss Mayberry
Sitting on the porch drinking ice-cold cherry Coke
Where everything is black & white

Picking on a six string
Where people pass by & you call them by their first name
Watching the clouds roll by
Bye, bye

Sometimes I can hear this old earth shouting
Through the trees as the wind blows
That’s when I climb up here on this mountain
To look through God’s window
Now I can’t fly
But I got two feet that get me high up here
Above the noise and city streets
My worries disappear

I miss Mayberry
Sitting on the porch drinking ice-cold cherry Coke
Where everything is black & white

Picking on a six string
Where people pass by & you call them by their first name
Watching the clouds roll by
Bye, bye

Sometimes I dream I’m driving down an old dirt road
Not even listed on a map
I pass a dad and son carrying a fishing pole
But I always wake up every time I try to turn back

I miss Mayberry
Sitting on the porch drinking ice-cold cherry Coke
Where everything is black & white

Picking on a six string
Where people pass by & you call them by their first name
Watching the clouds roll by

Bye, bye.

Or in our case. “Hello.”

Secrets of Successful Living

2009-10-27T13:04:00.001-06:00

I’m purging my bookshelves. This is not something that comes easy to me, but hey, life is tough. I’ve accumulated a small pile of books that I don’t feel need take up valuable space on my limited shelves and have leafed through them and am packing them in a box for my next stop at Value Village. One of these particular books held my attention a bit longer than the others, probably because it ties in with a lot of the things I have been focusing on in recent months. Although I found it rather off the wall in parts, and this post is not meant to be an endorsement in any way, shape or form, I thought it might be beneficial to jot down a few of the thoughts that did impress themselves upon me.

Wholeness is health, unity, sufficiency, and the peace that comes from having enough of everything you need in your life.

Balance is having the various parts of your life in proper proportion to each other. The two terms are vitally interrelated. Success, by definition of this book, is “balanced wholeness.”

The book visualizes the circle of our life as an eight sectioned wheel divided into the following categories in no particular order;

Recreational, Mental, Community, Professional, Material, Financial, Family and Physical with SPIRITUAL as the core of the circle, all other categories branching out from the core on the premise that;

“One is not a human being having spiritual experiences. One is a spiritual being have human experiences.”

The book is a “planner” and states;

“If you simply take life as it comes and never seek to conform your will to God’s will or your ways to His ways, your life will meander without a strong sense of direction, purpose or fulfillment.”

“The Lord isn’t at all against our making plans. He’s against our worshiping our plans. And He’s against our making plans that leave Him out. To be more precise, we must ask the Lord to give us our plans…

We ask and believe that God will reveal His desires to us and plant His dreams in us. We then make our goals based on the desires and dreams. We forge the goals into a plan, and we begin to work on the plan and along the way, we continually ask the Lord, “Am I on the right track? Am I pursuing this as quickly as You want it pursued? Am I becoming the person You want me to be?”

It beckons a person to dream.

“Dreams invite you to see a future that is better than the present. Dreams compel you to grow and to develop yourself in ways you haven’t thus far. Dreams give you energy and enthusiasm.”

I love that. I’m a dreamer, a reacher, a planner, an achiever. And maybe, just maybe… God made me that way. May I be all, in a wholesome and balanced way, for His glory.

random notes taken while leafing through “Nine Empowering Secrets of Successful Living” by Denis Waitley.

Out of This World

2009-10-24T23:02:00.012-06:00

"The greatest enemy of hunger for God is not poison but apple pie. It is not the banquet of the wicked that dulls our appetite for heaven, but endless nibbling at the table of the world. It is not the X-rated video, but the prime-time dribble of triviality we drink in every night. For all the ill that Satan can do, when God describes what keeps us from the banquet table of his love, it is a piece of land, a yoke of oxen, and a wife (Luke 14:18-20). ….the most deadly appetites are not for the poison of evil, but for the simple pleasures of earth.”

John Piper

Mack Truck. Right in the forehead. Been reeling from that one all week. Balance is such a tricky thing, isn't it? To learn to live joyfully, with the hope and assurance of His goodness and care, and not to be weighed down with burdens and cares that aren't ours to shoulder, but then at the same time, not to grow apathetic and numbed to the simple pleasures that can distract and draw us away from the His Pure Goodness.

I used to look around and see evil lurking behind every corner, and I lived with the daily burdens of depression, oppression, aggression, regression, you name it. Then I came to see how God wants me to be full of His hope. His light. His goodness. Not to be overwhelmed by the BAD stuff. But to pursue the GOOD stuff. Okay. Lesson learned. I'm diggin' it. But then I read this.

The only ultimate disaster that can befall us, I have come to realize, is to feel ourselves to be home on earth. As long as we are aliens, we cannot forget our true homeland. Unhappiness on earth cultivates a hunger for heaven. By gracing us with a deep dis-satisfaction, God holds our attention. The only tragedy, then, is to be satisfied prematurely. To settle for earth. To be content in a strange land.

We are not happy here because we are not at home here. We are not happy here because we are not supposed to be happy here. We are "like foreigners and strangers in this world" (1 Peter 2:11).

Take a fish and place him on the beach. Watch his gills gasp and scales dry. Is he happy? No! How do you make him happy?.... You put him back in his element. You put him back in the water. He will never be happy on the beach simply because he was not made for the beach.

And you will never be completely happy on earth simply because you were not made for earth. Oh, you will have moments of joy. You will catch glimpses of light. You will know moments or even days of peace. But they simply do not compare with the happiness that lies ahead.

When God Whispers Your Name, Max Lucado

And I wonder if maybe I'm not a little TOO happy. If maybe I haven't gotten a little TOO comfortable. If maybe I've set my heart so much on recognizing the temporal reasons for joy and thankfulness down HERE, I'm forgetting to long for the eternal joys that I was created for. That are my inheritance. That He is preparing for me even now.

But just one word, just one little reminder, and my heart skips a beat. He has gone to prepare a place. For me. He loves me. He wants to spend eternity with me. And all of "this" fades to gray.

"....but rejoice that your names are written in heaven." Luke 10:20

Auschwitz Horrors

2009-10-23T16:21:00.000-06:00

We are getting lots of glimpses into hell on earth as we study WWII. I learned something new today. Why shave the hair off of the people you are just going to gas and cremate? I always just assumed it was to prevent lice and other atrocities in the bunkers, but there is another very disturbing element involved here that I had never heard before. The hair was shaved off of ALL the prisoners, even those that were in line for immediate extermination and the hair was not disposed of, it was used for a practical purpose that about chilled the blood in my veins. Any ideas what?

Just Breathe

2009-10-22T15:44:00.011-06:00

When autumnal tempests
within me rage
and angst and worry
fill this page
of my life
I pause
shake brittle leaves out of my hair
and surrender softly every care
I sigh
and breathe.

Just breathe.

When invernal flurries
my clarity clouds
and the habit of urgency
my peace enshrouds
I pause
slow down
like a treadmill being toggled down
I wipe the ice from my lashes and face
so I can look again on grace
I sigh
and breathe.

Just breathe.

When primaveral showers
'round me pour
and waves pound madly
on this shore
of my existence
I step back
withdraw
to higher ground
I pause
where I can gaze around
I sigh
and breathe.

Just breathe.

When summer drought
my soul does suffer
and against this thirst
I find no buffer
or reprieve
I wearily crawl
to water's edge
beneath the shadow
of Your hedge
and lay me down
on hallowed ground
where all is calm
and still
and Your voice
is heard at will
I sigh
and breathe.

Just breathe.

My contribution for L.L.'s poetry prompt at Seedlings In Stone.

The Symphony of Grace

2009-10-21T15:57:00.024-06:00

If life were a symphony
conducted from above

humanity an orchestra,
the score entitled “Love"

Each life would be an instrument
with a cardinal part to play

Each element designed to be
essential in some way.

It wouldn’t be the soloist
taking centre stage

or certain proud ensembles
that dominate the page

But the harmony of one and all
that would cause a shiver

to run up the spine of the spectator
and set their soul aquiver

To each and every one of us
is assigned a special place

a spot designed for us just so
in the Symphony of Grace.

Sometimes I fear I play alone,
that none play my same page

Oft tone deaf to the harmony
that graces this vast stage

But then again, at times someone
pulls up a seat close by

whose score is quite familiar,
with an instrument like mine

Oh joy! I do not play alone,
a misfit set at large

I’m at once part of a greater corps
and smaller entourage

I rejoice you play beside me
and for the melody that results

when we each take up our instrument
and let our hearts exult

in this exuberant crescendo
that sets our souls ablaze

For we are His workmanship,
ordained to bring Him Praise.

I discovered the first draft of this poem buried deep in my archives, something I was working on some time ago. Now, as I took a second go at it I found it to be such a fitting illustration for my recent reflections on grace. Truly we play a beautiful tune when we learn to appreciate and relish the beauty of our diversity and to compliment one another in heavenly harmony.

Teddy Bear History

2009-10-19T12:33:00.000-06:00

The Teddy Bear is named after a famous person who loved real bear cubs. Know who?

Now That's a Long Flight

2009-10-16T15:10:00.000-06:00

For a period of time early in their lives, until they are old enough to breed, Swifts fly NON-STOP. They eat and drink while flying. At night, they rest on thermal currents high in the sky, maintaining a gliding position. Any guesses as to how long these birdies stay up in the air?

No Weapon Formed

2009-10-15T09:46:00.011-06:00

Excerpts from Psalm 59

"Those who come against me... men waiting to ambush me... cruel men attack me, but I have not sinned or done wrong... I have done nothing wrong, but they are ready to attack me... Notice what comes from their mouths... insults come from their lips... they sin by what they say, they sin with their words... let their pride trap them.They come back at night, like dogs they growl and roam around the city. They wander about looking for food and they howl if they do not find enough."

Seriously, when "you know who" went off on me the other day, I literally felt like a snarling dog was stalking me, looking for "bait" to rip his teeth into and tear me apart with. Watching that one day as he spent hours perusing 48 pages of archives (that word prowling above really hit home), a horrible weight of fear came over me. I felt violated, vulnerable... and felt like a bullied little girl who wanted nothing more than to run and hide in a bathroom stall, safe from critical judgment and cruel scrutiny.

But I didn't give in to that fear (that made me want to take my blog private or make it disappear into oblivion). I pulled on my armor, HIS armor, and took on the mentality of a warrior. Not a warrior who comes out swinging and is out to pay retribution. But a warrior who stands strong, knowing her defender is up to the challenge. I love that last part of the chapter,

"But I will sing about YOUR strength. In the morning I will sing about your love. You are my defender, my place of safety in times of trouble. God, my strength, I will sing praises to you. God, my defender, you are the God who loves me."

I will keep singing. And I will not be afraid of the arrows that fly.

No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is from Me,” says the LORD. Isaiah 54:17

Loving rebuke is not to be ignored. Scathing judgement and criticism is not from the Lord. It is dripping poison on the arrowheads of the enemy. We have been given all we need to deflect such attack and stand strong.

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:14