I'm trying to come to grips with who I am. With who God has made me to be. With how he has wired me and how that makes me unique and how different strokes affect different folks. It's messy stuff. A leader in my church recently gave me some material on spiritual giftings. Two particular "gifts" (right now to tell you the absolute truth I am viewing them more as a curse) jump off the page at me and scream "this is you. this is SOOOOOO you!" The first one freaks me out just because of what it is called. "Prophecy" has this weird aura surrounding it... I don't like the word, I know that prophets were not well liked people, and usually equate the word to foretelling the future rather than its equal meaning of just speaking out a strong message intended for the growth of the church.
Characteristics of the prophet;
1. the need to express thoughts and ideas verbally, especially regarding right and wrong.
2. the tendency to make quick judgments on what is seen and heard and to speak up quickly.
3. an amazing ability to sense when someone or something is not what it appears to be and to react.
4. an openess about personal faults and failures and honesty with himself as well with others.
5. a tendency to be impulsive in actions and to be wholeheartedly involved in whatever is done.
6. a tendency to be painfully direct when correcting friends.
7. a desire to give open evidences of loyalty and total commitment.
8. a willingness to suffer for doing what is right.
9. an ability to be very persuasive in defining what is right and what is wrong.
Characteristics of the Exhorter
1. a motivation to urge people to their full spiritual maturity in Christ.
2. An ability to discern where a person is in spiritual growth and challenge them to a higher level.
3. A desire to give practical steps of action in urging people toward spiritual maturity.
4. A drive to explain truth
5. an ability to visualize spiritual achievement for people and to use this to motivate them to action
6. an ability to welcome personal tribulation as a chief motivator for spiritual growth.
Again, every one of these resonates so intensely with the way I tick.
There's another section in this pamphlet I have about spiritual gifts. It talks about how each of the gifts are most commonly misused. It stings.
How Prophets Can Misuse Their Gift.
1. Correcting people who are not their responsiblility. Prophets often feel that they are responsible for everyone. It is extra hard for them to hold back when they see things that are wrong.
Characteristics of the Exhorter
1. a motivation to urge people to their full spiritual maturity in Christ.
2. An ability to discern where a person is in spiritual growth and challenge them to a higher level.
3. A desire to give practical steps of action in urging people toward spiritual maturity.
4. A drive to explain truth
5. an ability to visualize spiritual achievement for people and to use this to motivate them to action
6. an ability to welcome personal tribulation as a chief motivator for spiritual growth.
Again, every one of these resonates so intensely with the way I tick.
There's another section in this pamphlet I have about spiritual gifts. It talks about how each of the gifts are most commonly misused. It stings.
How Prophets Can Misuse Their Gift.
1. Correcting people who are not their responsiblility. Prophets often feel that they are responsible for everyone. It is extra hard for them to hold back when they see things that are wrong.
2. Lacking cautiousness and tactfulness in expressing opinions. Driven by the desire to be totally open and honest, prophets often share opinions which would have been better left unsaid.
3. Condemning themselves when they fail. The harsh judgments which prophets have for others, they also have for themselves. They tend to be extremely self critical and feel worthless when they fail.
How exhorters can misuse their gift.
1. treating people like projects rather than persons. because exhorters put confidence in steps of action which have proven effective, they are usually eager to share these steps to others. Rather than making them feel like special people the exhorter may give the impression that friends and family are just more "counseling projects".
2. Giving counsel before discerning the type of person or problem. Exhorters tend to categorize the problem in their mind before hearing all the important facts. This results in the shame of answering a matter before fully hearing it. Exhorters also tend to have more confidence in their cousel than in God's warning on whom not to give counsel to.
I thought I had come so far in not being a judgemental person, in learning to love people and want their best and practice patience and perseverance in prayer for the people God puts on my heart and brings across my path. I truly have so much love and compassion and mercy for people in my heart, but today I sit here and realize that I have SO far to go in this journey. It's one thing for those things to be a reality in my heart, it is something else entirely for me to learn to walk in a way that people don't FEEL judged by the way I tick. The challenge for me now is to come to terms with how God sees me, and how I can work to hone this personality to something that doesn't do harm rather than good.
We've each been so molded by our experiences. A wounded bird who was taught to fly on the wings of an eagle looks at other birds, recognizes their wounds and tenderly desires to see them fly. She cries out passionately "come fly, I'll show you how, it'll be so great! you were meant to soar!" but the wounded bird does not feel any tenderness in that, or feel invigorated by that, it feels like it is singled out and exposed in its weakness and that the call of the bird in flight is a call of arrogance and absolute insensitivity. In self defense their wall goes up and their reaction is "Who do you think you are? Can't you see that God loves me just the way I am and I don't need people telling me to be anything I'm not? Who died and made you king, thinking you have something to teach me about flying? You're not my mother, you're not my sister, you're not in my church, the nerve (arrogance/audacity/pride/self righteousness) of some birds! I don't want anything to do with birds like you. I'm so glad I'm not like you, I'd rather be down here on the ground then up there on that high horse you're riding!"
And the arrows hit true to the bird in the sky. And she falls. Asking herself in her tumble, "Yes, who do you think you are anyway? why on earth would you do something like that? Don't you see what you've done? Don't you see how others view you? See how you've hurt that poor bird who was just fumbling along trying their best to keep their head up and you went off fully cocked challenging them to fly? You stupid, stupid idiot. And then there are two birds on the ground bruised and wounded and crying out "Lord, why?"
I don't have answers. I can see the point of view of both birds, but I need to understand that sometimes people aren't in a position to see anything but their own point of view. To be open to another point of view is to put themselves in a place of vulnerability that they don't feel strong enough to face. I understand that. I've been there. To ask questions or face truths that rock one's world? Wounded birds don't want their worlds to be rocked. They are looking for a safe place to hide. I know very well what that feels like. I haven't forgotten. But I also remember the day that someone cried out "look up you silly goose. get your head out of the rubble. fly, fly! you were meant to soar" and I realized "yes. it's true. what am I doing down here... I was made to fly!" and something burst forth within me and I spread my little wings, and set off to discover greater heights. What a rush to soar on wings like eagles. You can't help but desire that for others. Is that wrong? The desire can't be wrong. The timing can be wrong. The presentation can be wrong. Other things can be wrong but the desire and motive is not the issue.
The first word that popped up for me was humility. But I started delving into that and realized, no, that isn't it. I may seem to be lacking in humility, but the more I dug into it the more I came to realize what I''m really lacking is temperance (moderation in action, thought, or feeling; restraint) and in tact (a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense). Lacking both of those in spades.
3. Condemning themselves when they fail. The harsh judgments which prophets have for others, they also have for themselves. They tend to be extremely self critical and feel worthless when they fail.
How exhorters can misuse their gift.
1. treating people like projects rather than persons. because exhorters put confidence in steps of action which have proven effective, they are usually eager to share these steps to others. Rather than making them feel like special people the exhorter may give the impression that friends and family are just more "counseling projects".
2. Giving counsel before discerning the type of person or problem. Exhorters tend to categorize the problem in their mind before hearing all the important facts. This results in the shame of answering a matter before fully hearing it. Exhorters also tend to have more confidence in their cousel than in God's warning on whom not to give counsel to.
I thought I had come so far in not being a judgemental person, in learning to love people and want their best and practice patience and perseverance in prayer for the people God puts on my heart and brings across my path. I truly have so much love and compassion and mercy for people in my heart, but today I sit here and realize that I have SO far to go in this journey. It's one thing for those things to be a reality in my heart, it is something else entirely for me to learn to walk in a way that people don't FEEL judged by the way I tick. The challenge for me now is to come to terms with how God sees me, and how I can work to hone this personality to something that doesn't do harm rather than good.
We've each been so molded by our experiences. A wounded bird who was taught to fly on the wings of an eagle looks at other birds, recognizes their wounds and tenderly desires to see them fly. She cries out passionately "come fly, I'll show you how, it'll be so great! you were meant to soar!" but the wounded bird does not feel any tenderness in that, or feel invigorated by that, it feels like it is singled out and exposed in its weakness and that the call of the bird in flight is a call of arrogance and absolute insensitivity. In self defense their wall goes up and their reaction is "Who do you think you are? Can't you see that God loves me just the way I am and I don't need people telling me to be anything I'm not? Who died and made you king, thinking you have something to teach me about flying? You're not my mother, you're not my sister, you're not in my church, the nerve (arrogance/audacity/pride/self righteousness) of some birds! I don't want anything to do with birds like you. I'm so glad I'm not like you, I'd rather be down here on the ground then up there on that high horse you're riding!"
And the arrows hit true to the bird in the sky. And she falls. Asking herself in her tumble, "Yes, who do you think you are anyway? why on earth would you do something like that? Don't you see what you've done? Don't you see how others view you? See how you've hurt that poor bird who was just fumbling along trying their best to keep their head up and you went off fully cocked challenging them to fly? You stupid, stupid idiot. And then there are two birds on the ground bruised and wounded and crying out "Lord, why?"
I don't have answers. I can see the point of view of both birds, but I need to understand that sometimes people aren't in a position to see anything but their own point of view. To be open to another point of view is to put themselves in a place of vulnerability that they don't feel strong enough to face. I understand that. I've been there. To ask questions or face truths that rock one's world? Wounded birds don't want their worlds to be rocked. They are looking for a safe place to hide. I know very well what that feels like. I haven't forgotten. But I also remember the day that someone cried out "look up you silly goose. get your head out of the rubble. fly, fly! you were meant to soar" and I realized "yes. it's true. what am I doing down here... I was made to fly!" and something burst forth within me and I spread my little wings, and set off to discover greater heights. What a rush to soar on wings like eagles. You can't help but desire that for others. Is that wrong? The desire can't be wrong. The timing can be wrong. The presentation can be wrong. Other things can be wrong but the desire and motive is not the issue.
The first word that popped up for me was humility. But I started delving into that and realized, no, that isn't it. I may seem to be lacking in humility, but the more I dug into it the more I came to realize what I''m really lacking is temperance (moderation in action, thought, or feeling; restraint) and in tact (a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense). Lacking both of those in spades.
And the lightbulb goes on and I see myself for the bumbling elephant in the china shop that I really am. And I feel like such an idiot. So shamed. And thus, going back to Elijah, I find myself as is so often the case, wondering how I got from the mountain top high of spiritual fervor, to the lowly dark cave of absolute dejection and debilitation. Right where Satan wants me. I know the truth. "There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" and that conviction does not read or function like condemnation. And yet oh how much louder does that voice of condemnation scream than the still small voice that beckons one to pick themselves up, dust themselves off and start to climb back up the face of that mountain, stiff and tired and sore and all. Because no joy, peace or victory is to be found in that cave wrestling with the demons of one's past. No. joy and peace and victory are to be found in repentance, forgiveness and restoration. Bring it on, Lord.
