In Which the Peasant Princess exchanges her sword for a tiara, is Rescued by Her Dragon Slayer and Does a Lot of Swooning.
photo by ratzz
So, it’s been a week that I have been working on the Peasant Princess Project. I’ve been working real hard on all this, and things have been going smashingly well… for the most part. But it isn’t all stars and sunsets in our little kingdom, and to hammer that point home, I’m going to share a little personal account in the interest of full disclosure and “Becoming Real.”
On Wednesday of last week I had a mini meltdown when I needed my husband to be a hero for me and he looked at me, raised his eyebrows and acted like, “since when?” I’ve come to realize I’ve laid a lot of bad groundwork over the years and I think it’s a case of “You’ve paved this road, now walk on it.”
Here’s the thing. I’ve always been a sword wielding kind of girl. Had to become strong to overcome tough stuff and learned to roll up my sleeves and mostly plow through when the going gets tough (not always, I’ve had my moments of absolute breakdown, it’s like when I start to unravel I *really* unravel. Like, all the way. ) But for the most part my husband has come to expect strength and perseverance from me. That I’ll hold the fort down no matter what and keep it together and keep an even keel. He thinks I’m a real warrior princess. I’m pretty strong. But not as strong as he (and others) think I am. That’s because I put on a good show. Well, not really… I mean, I try really, really hard to be strong and I do a good job much of the time, but the truth is that I try so hard, expect so much of myself, that nobody realizes that I am really spreading myself thin, really struggling, really working to the point of blood, sweat and tears to keep that even keel. *I* don’t even realize. Until it all starts to unravel. So things came to a head this week and I learned something about myself and he learned something about me and things all of a sudden got a whole lot sweeter.
My husband got home at 5:30 on Wednesday. I had been consciously trying to prepare for his arrival with the whole “oasis” mentality, freshening myself up, tidying the house, getting the kids quiet and occupied so I could greet him sweetly at the door. It worked. We talked about our days, I told him everything was good (it was at that point, but it had been a pretty wearing day). I got a nice supper on the table for us and two little rugrats (the rest of the kids were at a birthday party), which we enjoyed and then headed out to our friends house for cake and ice cream.
So we get to our friends house and no sooner do I take a seat and my exhaustion hits me. I tend to shut down right after supper anyway, and this had been an extra busy day. We visited for awhile, ate cake and I tried to keep myself from yawning, that’s how tired I felt. 8:00 on the dot I went to my husband and told him, “I really need you to take me home. Now.” The thought of still having to get kids washed up and in bed was grating on me. I was that “done”. He was gracious, I was nervous, he could tell, and he did his best to help get the kids dressed up and out the door. All seemed well.
We arrive home and start the whole evening routine and he unwittingly stepped into quicksand territory. Poor guy, he didn’t even see it coming. He said that foul four word phrase that will get any woman’s hackles to to stand on edge. Especially when she is tired and irrational. “I don’t understand you.” Only he said, “I *really* don’t understand you.”
I stared at him with a blank expression for a moment and then said, “What? You don’t understand how I can be exhausted after spending the last 13 hours in the company of 7 children?”
He started back pedaling…pretty fast. “No, of course not, it’s not that. It’s just that when I came home you were all fine and happy and then wham… you’re done.”
More blank stares from me. “Uh-huh. That was me at 5:30, this is me at 8:30.”
“But how can things change so quickly?”
He got a lot of blank stares that night. “Quickly? Three hours in my world do not pass by quickly. At times they feel like an eternity when you are dealing with kids in their terrible twos, feisty fours, silly sixes, sassy sevens and teary tens.”
I’ll spare you the three hour dialogue that took place here (after a half hour of silence and tears) but what came out of it was sweet. What came out of it was a conscious realization on my part that while it is okay to try really hard to be all I want (and he wants) me to be, it is very, very important that my husband understands and appreciates how HARD life is for me. I am not doing anyone (especially myself) any favors by making this look easy.
Here’s the thing. I’ve too long put myself in the position of wanting to be my husband’s hero. Wanting to be everything, do everything, make everything wonderful for him. That’s all good and right and wonderful. To a degree. Not the hero part. I’m supposed to be his *helper*. The truth of the matter is that he is supposed to be my hero. And if I am so busy trying to be Xena the Warrior Princess… well, I really put myself out on a limb. And I leave him down there looking up.
So that night I cried, and said I was tired and I just wanted him to say, “I totally understand, Baby, just go and let me take care of everything.” period. And he said that he was happy to do that, he just hadn’t recognized my need, because I do not appear needy.
Ka-ching.. Light bulb moment. For both of us. I told him, “I am needy! Very needy!” and he smiled and said, “Okay, Princess. I’ll take care of you.”
Swoon.
The next day I got an instant message that read; “Tonight I will make sure you have a wonderful night, even if I have to slay a hundred dragons.”
Swoon.
On Sunday Prairie Guy had to go early to church and I came in time for Sunday School with the rest of the crew. He was watching at the window for my arrival and came running out to help me unload the kids and get them inside.
Swoon.
After service he asked me for my keys and went out to start my vehicle for me. (It was cold… very, very cold).
Swoon.
He’s been opening doors for me, taking children from my arms, physically removing me from tasks to complete them himself.
Swoon.
He lit candles in our bedroom before I came up (okay, okay, so it was to cover up a preceding malodorous emission of gas, but still… cover up is good!
Okay, so maybe that didn’t exactly make me swoon, all things considered, but it did make me smile.
Can you tell I am liking this whole hero reversal thing?
Yeah. I’m liking it alot. It’s making me feel like a real princess. And it’s making me feel pretty starry eyed about my dragon slayer. It’s all good.
8 comments:
Love it
All of us women probably see ourselves in this
I am a stuffer...just stuff all that emotion down the hatch. I came into the marriage bursting with "EMOTION". Hubby seems to have NONE. Nor does he understand it. Therefore I learned to stuff. Guess what then happens....You erupt like a volcano...usually with no warning. I have not had that happen in a long time...but that probably means it will happen. We are going to be married 36 years on Feb. 16th. I am glad I did not give up in those young hard years, because life is good and our marriage is good. I did NOT change the man. Which I thought surely God would want me to do (o:
Oh wonderful! So proud of you that you let your man know you NEED! I learned that the hard way too!
What a great man! So happy you are getting to play the part of the princess instead of warrior princess. :-)
completely teared up... nearly let them fall until I read the reason for the candles... too funny. The fact that you had conversation after the tears and silence is such good salve... still need to work on that part at my house.
This week, my prayer for you will be to seek out rest for your body and your mind... you've got a few fingers in pies- and it's not even spring yet! Your successes are so encouraging and dramatic to me;I will also pray for you & D.Slayer ;)
Oh, my sweet friend... we are indeed cut from the very same cloth. I often pride myself (oh, yes... it's pride!) on being a strong woman (hear me roar!). Not the quiet, princess in distress kind of gal. Rather, the tough Texas woman who can run the ranch while the hubby is away on the cattle drive kind of woman. And, yes - I, too, have left Larry staring at my backside as I've fled the room in tears. Him wondering, "Who IS that woman?" and me thinking, "After all these years, why doesn't he *know* what I need/want???"
It also doesn't help when we fail to remember that we both speak different love languages. My primary language is gifts, followed quickly by time. (As in "sit down and spend some with me! Ha!) Larry, on the other hand, is very much a "show me, don't tell me" kind of guy. He thinks changing the oil in my car (because he's "taking care of me") says "I love you." Conversely, he hears I love you when he comes home to a completed "to-do list" much more than anything I can purchase at the store.
We had a wonderful staycation last weekend. He did appreciate all that I put into the preparations. We had one rocky point on Saturday morning (the preceeding paragraphs pretty much sum it up) but we talked it out and went on to end the weekend on a very nice note.
After all this wonderful studying and self-inspection you've been doing, I hope you and your hero get to have some time away or a staycation very soon. You deserve it!
that is just phenomenal. Over here we have great difficulty *discussing* things, and it just blesses me the way you can do that. How wonderful that he has been able to bless you this week. Love it.
I do think there is a bit of the "hero" in most of us girls. We somehow want to appear to have everything under control and at the same time, expect our husbands to know when we need their help. And we sure don't want to have to say it out loud :-)
Much wisdom here dear one.
LOVE IT. Especially the malodorous emissions part, made me lol!! I can completely relate, especially since so much of my warrior princess mold was cast when I was young and energetic and DID have the energy to do what I did...I had to get to a point where i could say "I'm not that girl anymore; I need help!" and be gracious about accepting it when it was offered. May we never lose sight of just how blessed we are by these men God has given us. *sigh*
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