Less of Me, More of Him.

Reflections on Motherhood, Marriage and Ministry.

Less of Me, More of Him.
I am not Wonderwoman. Usually I'm okay with that knowledge but sometimes, even though I know I'm not wonderwoman, sometimes I get weighed down subconsciously thinking I'm supposed to be. I can almost picture a shady and ellusive demon named Guilt slowly creeping up on me, closer and closer, attempting to set up camp on my shoulders. I know it was him because the message I kept hearing over and over was one of condemnation and I know that's not the way our DHF (thanks Dawn!!) speaks to me. He doesn't tell me things in a way that weigh me down and make me feel like a failure, falling short, incompetent. No, that's not the way He operates at all. He gives me a bright idea and even smilingly let's me think it's my own for a time, a joy and fervor to follow it through, and a confirmation that indeed, it was His plan all along, and I did or am doing exactly what He had planned for me to do.

That happens so often when I am sensitive and receptive. It's a great experience. Not so great the burdens I struggled with this week. But that's okay, that heavy fog that had descended over me could only be broken by a ray of heavenly wisdom bursting down and causing me to turn my gaze upward.

I have numerous friends in need right now. I've been able to "be there" for a few this week, but have felt heavy failure to be there for another. I keep feeling this weight, "I *need* to help her!" Everytime one of my friends has commented on how they have been there to support this friend in need and help her through, I feel this cloud of weight and failure come down over me. Then today's sermon came along like a heavy shake on the shoulder to wake me out of my guilty stupor.

The sermon was about roles, specifically John the Baptist's role to pave the way, and how he was to become less (decrease) so that Christ could become more (increase). It was not about John. It was about Jesus. The preacher touched on John's joy for the bridegroom, rather than jealousy over his ministry or guilt over not "being" more himself. How we should not envy when other people are better at doing things than we are, God has a special purpose and plan. From there my brain started racing. We're a body made up of many parts. Christ, our head, directs us to all work in special ways at special times to contribute to building and supporting His kingdom, to bring HIM glory. Replay; We are a BODY... MANY parts.... HE directs and gifts, and causes us to function as a body. Instead of feeling GUILTY because I was not able (or more importantly called, because those He *calls* He also *enables*) to meet a need this week, and like a failure because others of my friends did... I should have rejoiced that God called and equipped *others* to meet that need, and rejoiced for my friend in need that He met her needs.

I thought it was/is my *duty* as a christian, as a friend to be there to meet her needs no matter what my other circumstances were. Um... no. It's God's role as her DHF to make sure her needs are met, and if I think that just has to involve me, because I am one of the many people He's brought into her life; I'm an idiot!

Now, all that said, I do still hope to be able to be there for my friend, and bless her in the upcoming week. I don't know when that will be as circumstances still will not allow it even today, but I am comforted and encouraged by the knowledge that we are a body, that He is watching over His own, overseeing and guiding the members of His body to work together with amazing symmetry. He'll make it clear when it's my moment to move, I'll be waiting to hear the whistle.