Here is the antidote to the "panic attack" feeling that followed on the heels of my last excerpt from this book. Dobson goes on a few pages later to say;
"Furthermore, everything we do during those foundational child rearing years should be bathed in prayer. There is not enough knowledge in the books-not in this one or any other-to secure the outcome of our parenting responsibility without divine help. It is arrogant to think that we can shepherd our kids safely through the minefields of an increasingly sinful society.... when our daughter was only three years old... I recognized that having a Ph.D in child development was not going to be enough to meet the challenges of parenthood...
One night, the incomparable Michael Jordan scored sixty-six points and (a) rookie was sent in for the last couple of minutes of the game. When the young man was interviewed by a reporter afterwards, he said, "Yeah, it was a great night. Michael Jordan and I scored sixty-eight points." That's the way I feel about parenting and prayer. We do all we can to score a few points, but the greater contribution is made by the creator of children...
Lord, give us the wisdom to raise the precious children whom you have loaned to us, and above all else, help us bring them to the feet of Jesus. This is more important to us than our health or our work or our finances. What we ask most fervently is that the circle be unbroken when we meet in heaven."
Dr. James Dobson, Bringing Up Boys.
Breathing again B-Girl?
18 comments:
Amen!
Very well said and Amen!
Joy
Wonderful!
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com/
Amen and amen!
I don't know how people of no faith live life let alone raise children, ya know???
Blessings!
Very well put, I sure would'nt want to raise my children without the Lords help, I honestly just don't think its possible, at least not for me. Brandie
awwww, i know that "panic attack" feeling that comes from reading any sort of parenting book or homeschooling book or being-the-perfect-wife book or whatever else!!! In fact, the only book that hasn't made me feel that way is "Grace Based Parenting" by Tim Kimmel. I was breathing the WHOLE book :) I've stopped reading those kinds of books for that very reason...the subtle angst of what I need to do or am supposed to do...when all that matters is me modeling Jesus to them and loving them unconditionally and giving myself and them lots o' grace. I can only truly REST in parenting and bringing up 4 boys b/c He is sovereign in their dear lives and WILL accomplish His purposes for them...in spite of me :)
Love you and as always, love your realness :)
after I left your blog, I read this entry...so good and encouraging!!
http://learningtofollow.wordpress.com/2009/02/24/allowing-room-for-growth/
I have three grown children and I still pray pray pray....probably not enough. You must be doing something right. They are sitting together looking at a book. (o: OK...I am sure they do their share of ruff and tumble too.
Amen and amen. As a Mom with an empty nest, I can tell you with absolute certainty that God's grace seems to just pour over all the mistakes and failures we spend so much time agonizing over filling in all those awful cracks and crevaces. There have been many times I've asked for forgiveness of my grown children only to have them say, "I don't even remember that Mom."
Thank You for such grace Father.
Aimee, I LOVED that book (Grace Based Parenting). Where Bringing up Boys has taken me 6 months to read I gobbled up GBP nearly overnight.
>>>...when all that matters is me modeling Jesus to them and loving them unconditionally and giving myself and them lots o' grace. I can only truly REST in parenting and bringing up 4 boys b/c He is sovereign in their dear lives and WILL accomplish His purposes for them...in spite of me :)<<<
SO true. And I think Dobson would agree *wink*.
I loved that link... thanks for sharing.
ahhhh.
yes, that's better.
That's kind of like what I said last time - just bring your loaves and fish and let Jesus do the rest.
I'm so with you all in the middle of this. I can't wait to finish my "bringing up geeks" so I can post a 'review' of sorts...really enjoying this one.
I hope to tell that michael jordan story to the boys before I forget all about it... what a perfect description... and not just that one, but also the loaves and fish.
Love chatting with you all... so encouraged. (stand by, that might change) :P
I've been pondering this since Aimee's comment and finally this morning I think I have a sense of "clarity". I think quotes like the first one I shared a few days ago, and quotes like this one are BOTH necessary and productive. Kind of along the lines of "a time to plant and a time to pull up". The bible is full of exhortation and full of encouragement. It is not all love and grace and gentility. There is also flat out, straight up, no punches pulled disciplinary directness. I see discipline as a pruning to train us which way to grow. It doesn't feel good to be rebuked or to see my shortcomings for what they are.
I for one appreciate BOTH angles and need them both in my life. Both are truth. We are called to "train up our children" in the ways of the Lord, and we are called to "trust the Lord with all our heart and lean not on our own understanding."
If we have a right attitude we won't feel brow beaten or like failures because of our human shortcomings (that's the devil bringing those feelings) but just because we feel that way when we read something or experience something in life doesn't mean that what we read or experienced was wrong. But that our ability to receive it and process it in a healthy fashion was somehow skewed because of our personality, past experiences, sensitivity triggers, etc.
Aimee, I think you are a beautiful woman with your heart in a great place and I know you love the Lord above all and don't NEED to read a book like this. Surely noone NEEDS to read anything if they are walking in communion with the Lord. But at the same time, believe that books like this, men like this, messages like this, have an important place in our culture and are wake up calls instrumental in "restoring the hearts of parents unto their children" for many who have just sidled into a life of spiritual nominalism that is void of passion and calling.
STILL pondering this. Thinking of it in terms of evaluation, specifically a WORK evaluation. My husband at work has a yearly evaluation where he sits down with his boss, looks at the last year in review, looks ahead to the next year and discusses new goals and vision wtih his employer. Inevitably in examining our "performance" we are going to find both strengths and weaknesses, we will be encouraged in our gifts and challenged to focus more attention on certain areas that we may NOT be naturally gifted in, but that are essential and beneficial to the "work place" in this case, the job of shepherding our children's hearts.
That's how I see books like this.
I did read "Bringing Up Boys" two years ago and thought it was a good read...I had no "beefs" with it at all. And was exhorted. And on the other hand, I also remember the subtle fear it brought me about how my boys will "turn out" and remember trying to get my husband to read it and kept sharing with him things from the book and on and on...very controlling behavior on my part and it was all done out of fear. That book also scared me away from allowing my kids sleepovers :)
I am just weak and tend to come away from many of these type books feeling in the beginning with a new "Spiritually pumped-up" attitude with yes and amens only to get a wee bit down the road and feel like "am I doing it? are we following through?" in a analyze-myself-and-our-lives to death place and all joy and trust IN HIM is gone. That's just where I am at.
Most of us already know what we need to be doing and know it's all about loving and modeling Jesus. I can't control the outcome of my children's future choices by my choices now....I can only model it and teach and pray.
And I think that if we need course correction, the Holy Spirit will be faithful to show us...we don't necessarily have to go hunting...He'll reveal it in His own ways (for me it's usually through watching the ways of another Godly mama) and when we are ready to hear it.
I wasn't trying to say you shouldn't read those books...I am just saying that those books can sometimes burden and not free us...and that even though things can sound good and right, sometimes they are unseen chains that can bind.
And what is THE standard for how I am shepherding their hearts? I have used books before as that standard and realized that it was a Westernized Christianity standard that I was measuring myself and my parenting by...standards that don't necessarily transcend time, cultures, etc. Now my only standard is "am I showing them how I love God and love others?"
Didn't mean to get into a big book discussion on your blog :) My intent was just to encourage you in what you already know...pray and trust God :)
Aimee... I totally WELCOME the discussion and plethora of thoughts, it helps me to sort my thoughts out in my own head, and if I keep coming back it's because I'm still trying to sift through those thoughts. I could just keep my processing to myself, but then this blog wouldn't serve it's purpose, which is mostly for me to "reveal" myself... where I'm at, where I've come from and where I'm headed, primarily as a record to myself and my kids if they ever care (and I hope they will) to revisit these thoughts in the future.
that said, if you don't mind, I will continue to process this based on your thoughts.
>>>...only to get a wee bit down the road and feel like "am I doing it? are we following through?" in a analyze-myself-and-our-lives to death place and all joy and trust IN HIM is gone. That's just where I am at.<<<
Totally respect that. Totally understand. Totally have been guilty of over-analyzing-myself-and-our-lives-to-death and not walking in joy and trust. Not a healthy (spiritually or emotionally or physically) place to be.
>>I can't control the outcome of my children's future choices by my choices now....I can only model it and teach and pray. <<
Bingo. Model... teach... pray. This was a It's not enough to LOVE your kids and even make yourself available for them. Model... teach... pray. If that doesn't knock the wind out of a person I don't know what will. That's a tall order right there. But that's where grace fills the sail as we fumble at the rudder, and I breathe.
>>And I think that if we need course correction, the Holy Spirit will be faithful to show us...we don't necessarily have to go hunting...He'll reveal it in His own ways (for me it's usually through watching the ways of another Godly mama) and when we are ready to hear it.<<
I totally agree. For me it can also be through reading a book like this "at the right time". Not because it was published and popular, and is a "must read" self help book, but because something came up, I decided to take a look see, and lo and behold, there were good and timely messages in there for me from someone who loves the Lord and understands alot more than I do about the male psyche.
>>I am just saying that those books can sometimes burden and not free us...and that even though things can sound good and right, sometimes they are unseen chains that can bind.<<
Interesting. I had to chew on this one for a bit. Here is what I think. I think the books themselves are not what burden, and are not chains. I think that would be more about timing and reception. A friend of mine emailed me with the picture of the rich young ruler. He was doing everything right, but his "word from the Lord" was a burden to him and he went away with a heavy heart. Not because the word was wrong, but because he wasn't ready to receive it. And yet Jesus didn't hold it back and say "he's not ready to hear this". Jesus word was not a chain, but the ruler saw it as one.
Also, we just started watching the video series for Bringing up Boys in sunday school and I was surprised by how warm and "lovable" Dobson is. Just like my Grampa. So much doesn't come across in a book and "tones" can be so easily misconstrued. I had a picture of him being very emphatic from reading the book, but watching him speak for 5 minutes completely changed my impression of him.
>>And what is THE standard for how I am shepherding their hearts? I have used books before as that standard and realized that it was a Westernized Christianity standard that I was measuring myself and my parenting by...standards that don't necessarily transcend time, cultures, etc. Now my only standard is "am I showing them how I love God and love others?" <<
I'm with you on this last part. and THE only standard can be God's standard, which is what you say, Love God and Love Others. Maybe it comes down to how we process things. I don't read other things with an attitude of "measuring" how far I've fallen short of the mark so much as to just "be aware" and help me keep my eyes focused on the mark cause heaven knows I have a habit of letting my eyes glaze over.
I understand where you are coming from though, I really do. There was a time not too long ago where I packed up about 100 books from my library (self help books on womanhood, marriage, parenting) and dropped them off at the second hand store. It was a radical act for a radical time in my life and I went three or four years without reading ANYTHING but the bible. I remember telling a good friend that "all the advice I need" is in the bible. And it's true. But now I am at a place where I am starting to read again (verrrrrrry slooooooowly... I sometimes read only one paragraph and think on it for days) and I am realizing that other people's experiences and words can compliment my time in the word and help me process and solidify it as well, even if it is in my disagreeing with them =).
Thanks for sharing, and putting up with my processing... you always get my brain humming and my soul searching. My soul can take it but now my brain is tired, LOL!
That is great! I love it. Prayer is not a last resort, it is the very BEST thing we can do!! Thanks for posting this encouragment.
Love this post!!!
God Bless:0)
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