“…our objective as moms and dads is to transform our sons from immature and flighty youngsters into honest, caring men who will be respectful of women, loyal and faithful in marriage, keepers of commitments, strong and decisive leaders, good workers, and men who are secure in their masculinity.”
Dr. James Dobson, Bringing Up Boys.
More….
“If there is a common theme that connects each of these sources of difficulty (crisis that confront our boys in today’s cultural context) it is the frantic pace of living that has left too little time or energy for the children who look to us for the fulfillment of every need.”
“It is my conviction that those who choose to bring a child into the world must give that boy or girl highest priority for a period of time. In a very short time, they will be grown up and on their own.”
“It is not enough simply to be at home and available to our children, however. We must use the opportunities of these few short years to teach them our values and beliefs… We have given them more material blessings than any generation in history… yet we have failed them in the most important of all parental responsibilities: We have not taught them who they are as children of God or what they have been placed here to do.”
Wow. I don’t know about you but I think I’ve got my work cut out for me for about, oh… the next 18 years or so…
19 comments:
I love Dr. Dobson. This is an adorable photo today.
oh yeah... I'm not already daunted by this task. But it does inspire me to raise little men who love Jesus and want to be like him in everything they do and are.
just had a small panic attack.
every once in a while, don't you panic and think you're doing it ALL WRONG? I do. Like right now (lol)
I hesitate to share these quotes that challenge me for precisely this reason. I've seen in the comments in the past that some people struggle with these kind of quotes, and this kind of hard hitting approach. Like it is accusatory, not laced with enough grace, or not said in a way that edifies, and builds one up. On the contrary, it strips one naked and gives one serious pause for reflection.
But quotes like this really get my attention. They wake me up out of the stupor of everyday apathy and plodding along. They give me pause to think and motivation to think hard. What am I doing? Why am I doing it? How am I doing? It is not enough for me to SPEND TIME with my children. That's the part that hit me like a Mack truck. Intentional relationship, I have been thinking about this a lot in the past couple of weeks, and wow... it's so true. My mom pulled me out of school and had me do correspondence, and was big on "keeping me home" with her, yet we had no relationship, she never talked to me about spiritual matters, or character development. She was just my prison guard with a long list of a jail sentence of do's and dont's.
Of course, it's always God who "begins the work" and who "brings it unto completion" in our children's lives, and heaven knows, if I can turn out with the faith I do, I have true faith that ANY child can, because faith is first and foremost a gift from God.
But that said, I also realize that we as parents are SO instrumental along the way and I think there can be no greater calling than partnering with God to bring up little men (and ladies) who like Chris said, love Jesus and want to be like Him in everything they do and are."
It's all at once thrilling and terrifying, and I think that's just where God wants us. Awake, aware, intentional.
I for one, am glad to be on this journey of "bringing up boys" with you two and so many others. We'll do our best, He'll take care of the rest. That's what grace is for.
I am always, always encouraged when I read your posts and those of other young mothers. You are doing a super job.
Being closer to Dr. Dobson's age than yours I can tell you that he is right when he speaks of how swiftly that time goes by. I look at my grown sons, who are doing such a good job with their own children, and wonder how it is possible that my boys now have children of their own.
I loved that book. Of course I did not have it when my boys were young, but I am still capable of learning new things (o: I did a workshop on the book several years ago at our Women's retreat. One thing that really stuck with me, is that a boy (as young as 18mo.) should spend A LOT of time with his father. We came from the generation that gave the children over to their mother and she did the majority of the 'raising'. That is strange, because one or two generations before that, the boy was needed at a very young age to work with his Dad. So I say moms, send the boys out with there dad and other men and boys when possible. Sorry, I could go on and on....and perhaps not make much sense.
mmhmmm, totally agree with that. We were fairly intentional with Berry Boy when he was little, that he be with Dad and spend time with him. Now, it has paid off TOTALLY - BBoy wants to be where ever his Dad is, helping him - fixing the Jeep, working on the camper, helping with the berry harvest...it's really wonderful. Not only does he get his "dad" time in, but he's also learning how to work, and the value of work. We will do our best to do the same with BBaby.
I wanted to add, too, to your comments PC - about partnering with God to bring up our kids.
I had breakfast with a good (wise) friend last week, and in our discussion she told me this:
when I look at my parenting, at the job that I'm doing as a mother, I am very critical of myself and all the things that I am *not* doing, or not doing *right*. And she paralleled this to the boy who brought Jesus the loaves and fish - she asked me if I am bringing my loaves and fish and allowing Jesus to use them to feed the 5000, or am I bringing my loaves and fish and expecting to be able to feed the 5000 all by myself.
I've been mulling that over all week.
I think we tend to expect ourselves to bring the food AND feed the multitude, when our job is just to bring the food and let God take care of the rest. It's not all on us, we are certainly "partnering" with Him to do this job.
When I start to think of it like that, I don't feel quite so overwhelmed and incompetent.
I have that book... I need to get it off the bookshelf and read it. I tried once when they were babies and just couldn't get into it... maybe now it will be better.
Blessings!
You SO make me miss my blog...
Loved your post. That book was on my "need to read" list a couple years ago, and forgot about it till now. Must find and devour!
LYB,
MamaBear in Makwa
>>or am I bringing my loaves and fish and expecting to be able to feed the 5000 all by myself.<<
I love this visual. It also reminds of Blackaby's "thing". "Look for where God is already at work, and climb on board." It changes everything! I am notorious for trying to figure out what needs "fixing" and just jump on, bend my head and start plowing forward right into the gale... yet when I am sensitive to what God is gently doing, and I put myself there, it's like SAILING along with the breeze behind you.
I just want to learn to be alert, aware, and to not miss the boat!
*I* so miss your blog, M-Bear. Call me sometime. And totally plan on meeting up with you or having you over next time you are in the city.
>>So I say moms, send the boys out with there dad and other men and boys when possible. Sorry, I could go on and on....and perhaps not make much sense<<
No, you make ALOT of sense, and there is nothing more endearing to me than seeing my boys tinkering with their Dad, or the girls being nurtured by him (like when he brushes their hair or takes them out somewhere alone for a "date". It's so heartwarming. Men have so much influence in the well being and emotional state of EVERY person in the family, what a huge responsiblity is theirs! It makes me realize all the more how my being his "help" meet is a crucially vital supporting role to him being all he can be.
I am so thankful to have some moms of kids who are "grown and gone" and raising their own kids here in my bloggy corner. You are a wealth of experience and wisdom that I value highly. Love that you are part of my life here.
"It is not enough for me to SPEND TIME with my children. That's the part that hit me like a Mack truck. "
Whew that hits hard, but I need that reminder, thanks for that. I will try to keep that thought in my mind. :-)
It also reminds of Blackaby's "thing". "Look for where God is already at work, and climb on board."
Hey, we are reading "Experiencing God" at our Church is that the book you are talking about?
>>Hey, we are reading "Experiencing God" at our Church is that the book you are talking about?<<
Yep, that's the one. Our first church as a married couple was a Southern Baptist church plant of Blackaby's. I love his heart.
The panic attack - daunting task of raising children. I have struggled with that this week:
http://mom2six-treasures.blogspot.com/2009/02/truth_20.html
Yet it all begins and ends with God! He created them, He knows them and loves them much more than I, He will finish the work He started. I am a partner - daily bringing the loaves and fishes to Him. Thank you for the post it has been like God's confirming words for me this evening. In Jesus, Nancy
PC- maybe when my life settles again (read:when the house is completed), I just might start that endevour again..?
"grammy"- I agree with PC, it's such an encouragement to feed on the wealth of wisdom from mom's who have "been there,done that" already... I too, see the importance and the result that comes from time spent just with Dad. The special role God has given men here, sometimes is overlooked. Going to keep making a point of gentle encouragement in that department. Blessings to you!
Seen the video series but I should really read that book!
Dr. Dobson is a wise man. My children are adults now and it does goes so fast. I think once they hit high school those 4 years went by in a flash.
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